Tell me Where the Gun Is So I Can Shoot Myself
by lacramiora
Summary: Ben has a twisted alterego and he's torturing Johnny in the worst way possible. What happens when Reed finds out? ReedxJohnny onesidedBenxJohnny
1. Chapter 1

**Tell Me Where The Gun Is So I Can Shoot Myself**

Disclaimer: I do not own Fantastic Four

Pairings: ReedxJohnny, One-sided BenxJohnny

Warnings: Non-con/rape, malexmale, language

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Chapter 1- Don't Tell

Johnny wanted it all to be a dream. But he knew it wasn't. He could remember bits and pieces of it as his mind came awake. He could remember the soft cloth against his back side, cleaning the residue of what had happened away. And he could remember pulling on his boxers once more, curling up into a fetal position and passing out. His head hurt, his ass hurt his entire body felt like it was on a bed of nails. He hurt. And all this did was cause him throw up off the side of his bed, violently.

_"C'mon Johnny. Come for me."_

_There was a hand on his cock, a rough hard hand that made the organ hard. He came in spite of himself and this caused more tears to come down his face. A snicker came from behind him as he fingered the hole between Johnny's ass cheeks. Three large fingers pumped into him, in and out, in and out. It hurt but he grit his teeth against the pain. _

He shut his eyes tightly against the images and he got up to clean off the mess on the floor. Normally he would have some sort of cheery thought and think of just how sexy he was but he felt dead. He felt dead to the core of his being and there was nothing he could do. Because he couldn't erase what happened. Couldn't change the fact that Ben had another personality. He couldn't blame Ben. The only one to blame was himself.

_A rough kiss on the nape of his neck made the tears come down harder. A soft lick on his ear. The hands parted his legs wide and gripped his ass. _

_"Oh, come on, Johnny."_

_"No...please...No. I...No I swear I...just please, please no." Tears were rolling down his face and he couldn't flame on as he would normally do in a situation like this. No, instead he was shaking and trembling beneath this behemoth of a man. And the pain came sharp and hard and he screamed._

Johnny sat on his bed, idly watching the shadows as they danced over by the window. He forced his hands to stop shaking and got up to go to the bathroom. He looked at his face in the mirror. There was a darkening bruise on his face from where Ben had hit him into the bedpost. His eyes were blood shot and he looked disheveled. He ran both hands over his face and turned on the water, brushing his teeth so that he didn't need to think. He pushed the thoughts from his mind and checked the wall clock. It was 8:30 in the morning. That meant Reed was awake. Reed woke up much earlier than all of them. He was always in the lab. So to take his mind off of Ben he would go talk to Reed.

_"Johnny...I'm still hard. Why don't you use that cute little mouth of yours and suck me off?"_

_Johnny obliged, tears spilling down his red cheeks, his tongue working over the huge cock. A thrust into his mouth and he almost choked. Ben moaned over him and thrust again. Johnny managed to take the whole thing, 7 inches of hard rock. Ben spilled himself inside his mouth and Johnny almost vomited. If it weren't for the fact that Ben was readying himself to fuck him _again.

Johnny showered up, whimpering slightly as the hot water burned his abused bottom. He pushed that away too, running the shower over his head and washing his hair. He took note not to notice the purple bruises over his hips or how it hurt every time he touched a certain spot on his head. He finished and immediately got dressed. He changed the sheets of his bed because he couldn't help looking at them and thinking. As he looked over his spotless room he tried to remember a day when it had last been like this. Sue would definitely worry if she saw his room like this. But he wouldn't let her know, would he?

The kitchen was quiet when he entered and ate some toast. He didn't think he could stomach much else at the moment. He left the room quickly when he thought he heard someone but it was only his imagination as he soon learned. Johnny kept walking and just as he had thought, there was Reed sitting at his desk, fingers flying over the data pad he was currently using. The doors opened up to let Johnny in and Reed glanced up as he entered further. A curious frown played over his features but not a sound of inquiry left his lips. Johnny sat down on one of the chairs with a barely concealed wince and watched Reed's fingers once again dance with the buttons of his mini computer.

"You're never up this early."

It was Reed who spoke first. Johnny barely heard him as he looked around the room for something to occupy himself with. Not that Reed would have been happy had he messed up something important. Johnny stood quiet for a few minutes, touching the slight bruise on his cheek. With a typical shrug, the Human Torch looked over at Reed.

"I didn't want to wake up late today...that's all."

Reed wasn't convinced but left it alone. Johnny hoped he didn't question further. He spun in the chair and wheeled it back and forth in the lab. Reed's eyes followed him as he did so. He could feel the annoyance already creeping up on Reed but he acted as though he didn't. Johnny forced himself to smirk, although he didn't feel the usual mirth. Especially not after his punishment for his practical joke on Ben last night. He couldn't conceal his shudder at the mere thought. Reed noticed.

"Is there something wrong, Johnny?" Genuine concern leaped across Reeds face for a few moments. Johnny's smirk almost immediately faded and he covered it up with a mock frown. How he did it he had not a clue.

"Does Ben have another personality, Reed?"

"Another personality?" Reed blinked confused. He rolled his chair to the other side of the room and toyed with whatever apparatus he was dealing with. Johnny couldn't quite see it. "Ben has never mentioned having a Multiple Personality Disorder."

Johnny considered that for a moment. He wasn't as stupid as the others thought he was. If only he wouldn't have let that stupidity show last night... "Last night...he was acting...strange." He almost snorted.

"Strange in what way?" Curiosity peaked. Reed almost stopped what he was doing altogether but remembered the "toy" in his hand and continued on working.

"Well...um..." Johnny couldn't help but pale a few shades at the question. Reed stopped half-way through another push on the chair and the wheels rolled for a second before stopping. "I-I don't know. He was just acting weird." _Nice save, Johnny, now why don't you just show off a bruise or two for God's sake? _

Reed frowned and stayed where he was. His lips tightened to a thin line. There was obvious concern on the older mans face again. He was used to Johnny's antics...but this was different somehow. Less joking, more fidgety, serious.Reed stood quiet and continued in a slow roll over to one of the computers besides Johnny's chair. "He might have another personality do to the alterations of our genes from the radiation."

_Meaning it could have resulted from his powers._ Johnny translated the gibberish all too easily. He was spending too much time with the almost anti-social scientist. Johnny watched Reed momentarily, color returning to his cheeks. Reed spun around to another computer and Johnny changed the subject.

"What are you doing anyway?"

"What?...Oh this?" Reed motioned to the data pad and several screens which were turned on, with some form of computer jargon Johnny did not understand. "Just making a few alterations on our ship."

"Such as...?"

"You'll see."

Johnny gave a pout. He always had to wait. He shrugged slightly and turned his face to look at one of the monitors that were on. Reed looked over at him and frowned. "Where did you get that bruise?"

"Huh?" Johnny paled again noticing where Reed was looking. The bruise had probably darkened since earlier, much more noticeable. Susan would definitely notice. "Oh this? I tripped into Pebbles." He noticed his voice cracked on the name. Reed was going to notice as well. Reed was going to find out. He sure as hell hoped not. Reed said nothing though. There was silence in the room now, except for the steady typing that Reed made on one of the computers. Reed nodded slowly, looking up, past Johnny and towards the blond woman that stood just outside the door. "Hey Sue."

Johnny blanched and looked over. "Heeeeyy...Sue..." He immediately took his leave with a wave to Reed. He could hear Reed back in the lab ("Johnny where are you-") but he had already closed the door and made his way back to his room, to hide.


	2. Chapter 2

**I apologize for such a long wait. It just so happened that my computer was done for quite a while and when I got it back on all my documents were gone. xX So I had to retype this entire chapter. I thank everyone who reviewed for that first chapter. I don't think I've ever gotten that many reviews. I hope you continue to like my story and hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**One thing I would like to mention, if anyone could probably tell me how I'm doing with the characters? Because I've really only seen the movie and a few episodes of that new Fantastic Four show that they have on CN. I don't rmemeber the old cartoon too well Laaaughs But it would be areal help. I want this story to be as close as possible under the circumstances in the story.**

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**Chapter 2: Disguise**

Slowly but surely they were noticing a difference. Sue had started incessantly asking him if he was okay, if there was something wrong, they could get over it together. At first Johnny had calmly told her there was noting wrong. But as the days passed, and his lack of sleep began to show, Johnny was not longer able to calmly tell her there was nothing wrong. At one point, he had taken out his frustration on her, with a burst of his flames. She stopped asking him.

Ben was another story. While at night he was being his dark, evil companion, by day, Ben too was worrying bout him. He didn't seem to notice how skittish Johnny had become around him. At least it seemed that way. In the morning, Johnny made sure to check if the kitchen was empty before getting something to eat. Due to his lack of appetite however most of the time he went without anything at all. Ben had started hovering the kitchen at some point, however, and they met quite early in the morning on one of those days. Johnny had said very little to the larger man before quickly excusing himself.

It was almost two weeks after the routine had started. This morning he lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was quiet in the building, at least for now. It was nearly 6 in the morning. Reed would be up soon. At exactly 6:15, Johnny heard Reed's ritualistic journey to the lavatory. At that moment he decided to lift himself from the bed and take a shower himself. When he walked into the bathroom, he didn't look at his reflection. Johnny was one who prided himself in his good looks, and at the moment he knew he didn't look good. He didn't feel like his egotistical self. He felt like a shadow of someone else. Something long since used and forgotten. Johnny shuddered and shook his head as he turned on the water all the way to hot. It didn't clean well if it wasn't at hot. It took him exactly a half an hour, what used to take him ten minutes, to come out of the shower and get dressed.

As he expected, Reed was sitting in his lab, dressed and looking like a million bucks. He had been spending a lot more time in his lab, ever since he and Susan had broken up. Susan had left him for Ben. It was an interesting relationship, Johnny hadn't really noticed it in the past week. After all he had been dealing with his own problems. There was no time to think of anyone else. But he had noticed the distance at which Reed and Susan were communicating. Maybe it had happened after he had left the lab, that first day. Just after Reed and called after him to come back. He hadn't heard the conversation from outside, had not really cared. He didn't want to hear about how, "Great last night was" and "We'll do it again, if you want." An almost Johnny typical smirk appeared on his lips, but it was faint.

The glass doors opened up for him and Reed looked up from the computer he was working at. There was silence for a moment. Johnny took a few more steps in and he noticed Reed had turned off almost all of the monitors. He paused, a frown slipping on his slightly gaunt features. Faltering in the few more steps he took, Johnny waited for Reed to say something, but the scientist did not. The man was quietly watching him and not even trying to hide that fact. Johnny sat down, controlling his features to keep from saying something that would most certainly deem him paranoid. But it was hard, because Reed continued to stare.

"What?" Johnny had to break the silence. It felt almost tangible, thick in its presence. Johnny felt uncomfortable for the moments it took Reed to answer.

"I didn't say anything the first few times, Johnny, but you've been acting increasingly odd after the past two weeks. I don't want to pry, but if things start to get worse, I think it would be vital for you to at least tell Sue."

"I don't want her worried about me."

"She already is Johnny."

He didn't reply. Instead he stared up at the ceiling and twirled around in the chair he was currently occupying. Like a child trying not to show he's crying. Johnny shifted in his chair and looked away from Reed with a deep breath before turning back to him. Reed sighed softly and looked at the one monitor that was still on. The subject changed, but not to something Johnny wanted to talk about.

"I checked Ben's genes to see if any of the alterations could cause Multiple Personality Disorder, and I think I might have found something that _could_ lead to the disorder."

"Oh."

Reed rose a brow at Johnny who had decided to stare down at his hands. Noting the silence, the blonde looked up and shrugged almost nonchalantly. It would have worked too, hadn't he looked so haggard. The Johnny of now and the Johnny of before were almost two different people. This…shadow of a boisterous blonde was unnerving. It made Reed miss -no ache- for the lively, funny, egotistical boy back. It scared him to feel this way, so Reed pushed t to the back of his mind and focused on the broken looking young man before him.

"I think I'll go get something to eat."

"I'll come with you, if you don't mind."

Johnny was surprised momentarily by the offer. He had left with the same statement for the past few days and all Reed had replied with was, "I'll see you later, then." Johnny nodded, rather numbly. Lifting himself from his sit with a soft groan that he could not possibly hide, Johnny quickly left the lab. Johnny felt suspicion creep up on him as he headed towards the kitchen, Reed not far behind. The moment he stepped into the room, his eyes met with Sue and Ben. He frowned, obviously confused. His gaze didn't meet with Ben's, even though the large man sought for him.

"Johnny, we need to talk."

Sue began with the simple note. Johnny knew he wouldn't be getting out of this one. He took a glance at Reed, who seemed particularly confused. But of course. Reed had not been talking to Sue much, there relationship was quite strained at the moment. Johnny glanced between Sue and Ben, not meeting either's gaze, but waiting for something else to be said. He took a few steps back, but Sue blocked him._ Damn her abilities. _

"Please, Johnny, we just want to help."

Johnny wanted to scream. He wanted to tell them what the problem was. How it was standing right in front of them. He wanted to scream until his voice was hoarse. Until he lost the ability to communicate. The only movement was the tightening of his jaw. The clenching of his teeth. He didn't trust himself to speak. If he did he might break into a million pieces. But he still had strength within himself yet. Because if he said anything, it wouldn't be a problem for him, but a problem with Ben.

And as much as Johnny wanted this all to stop, Ben was practically family.

Johnny took a seat at the table in the middle of the kitchen. He stared down at the one place that didn't have eyes, the floor. Reed's footsteps made there way towards him on his side of the table. Reed wasn't looking at him though. Johnny glanced upward.

"I think we should let him tell us what's wrong when he's ready."

Reed put a hand on Johnny's shoulder. _His hands clamped around his shoulders as he pushed him down into the bed._ Johnny shuddered under Reed's grasp. Masking his surprise, Reed took his hand away. But not in a way that would make Sue worry more. The blonde woman frowned at him and opened her mouth for a retort. Johnny took that one moment, when he felt the air release of tension, to escape the room.

"Johnny!" It was Sue.

Reed turned from the two and headed out of the kitchen, but the open window suggested that Johnny was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**I apologize for such a looong wait. xx And I also apologize for such a short chapter, I've been having such bad writers block and honestly I think I hate this chapter. But since I don't want you to wait I uploaded it now. Siiigh. Tell me what you think. The next chapter will be up by possibly next week unless I get swamped.**

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**Chapter 3: Visibility**

It was hours before he actually came back to the Baxter building. His usual want for attention was gone. The bar he had gone to was filled with scantily clad women who wanted to _touch_ him and the mere thought of that made him want to run away. Although there had been so many pretty women around the vicinity, not one of them had made him feel even slightly aroused. Johnny hadn't really been looking for sex anyway. He had enough of it every few nights with his unwanted visitor. What Johnny had wanted was a couple of drinks to get himself inebriated. The alcohol had burned down though. He knew it would take more than a few drinks to get him drunk. Drunk enough even to forget what would be happening to him later. From when he had left at seven o'clock that morning, he returned at almost eleven. His mood was no better than it had been. But the fresh air had done some good. Not that he hadn't gone out. There were several occasions where the Fantastic Four were needed. In those specific times, Johnny shut down his emotions and worked on auto-pilot. And at the end of his heroic deeds, he would leave without his usual word to the press.

But now there were no annoyed reporters asking for a comment. There were no scantily clad women looking for him to fulfill there needs. There was just the Baxter building. He entered through his own window, which he had not locked for this exact reason. He had needed something to do to relieve the stress. Johnny walked through his room and quickly exited it. He was afraid of running into Ben when he least expected it. The Thing did not come at the same time each night. It was always after eleven and always before three in the morning. So that left Johnny maybe four hours of actual sleep if he went to bed at nine. Those hours, however, had been used up hiding. Ben Grimm was not a stupid man. Johnny entered the living room and noticed how quiet everything was. There no was no one in the room. Johnny sat down on the couch and sighed. He turned on the T.V. but before he knew it he was asleep.

What woke him up was someone tying his hands to something. His semi-conscious state vaguely noticed he was no longer on the couch but something that felt like one of those hard metal tables Reed worked on. A sinister chuckle brought him further from sleep and into the conscious world. Johnny wondered how he slept while he had been taken from the couch. He had slept so lightly that past few nights that anything could wake him. Of course fatigue and exhaustion definitely lead to sleeping much deeper. Johnny blinked a few times to clear his bleary vision.

"Oh, you've finally woken up, have you?"

Johnny froze and suddenly noticed in full clarity what was happening. He pulled at the cuffs on his wrists and stared up at Ben. Miraculously he was still full clothed, _thank God for these suits._ It didn't make Johnny any less afraid. The Human Torch thought of bursting up into flames, and once again the fear gripped him so he couldn't. It wasodd really. This had continued to happen, time and again. Johnny felt the tears well up in his eyes again but kept his voice steady.

"Ben, really is this necessary?…"

There was no reply except for what sounded like the tearing of his suit. Johnny struggled against the rock man but was forcefully pushed down into the metal table. An idea struck him and he looked around for a camera, anywhere. Johnny spotted one, but to his luck it was off. _So I'm going down without a fight again?_ Ben's grin was malicious, and from the sudden cold air, Johnny knew he had succeeded into taking apart his suit. To think that the man was already naked to begin with as he lifted Johnny up in position.

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Reed Richards was far from stupid. He was after all one of the smartest men in the nation. He just couldn't seem to put together what was wrong with Johnny. It was almost two hours earlier from when he usually awoke and he looked around for the source of which had gotten him up. There was no one in his room. Sue had begun staying with Ben so he had the bed to himself. Reed got up from the mattress and headed towards the door. There was no one in the hall as he exited. Maybe it was just Sue. Being invisible would have its perks after all. Reed frowned though. If Sue needed to use the bathroom she was across the hall and could use the one near that room. So all that left was Johnny. Reed walked out into the hall and looked around. The light of the bathroom _was_ on near Johnny's room. Reed walked towards it, the bathroom door was slightly ajar and he could see Johnny's thin form just at the edge. The water was running and he could hear Johnny's hard breathing. He was clad in only his boxers. From the little Reed could see, there were fading bruises on the side of his hip and a rather fresh looking one on the side of his chest. Reed turned away. Questions formulated in his mind as well as possible answers. But worry escalated in the scientists mind. His brow furrowed in thought as he stealthily made his way back to his room. But he couldn't sleep again. Not after that.

The morning felt awkward due to the lack of sleep. Reed got up from the bed at his usual 6:15 but it didn't feel quite right. His trip to the bathroom was short, a five minute shower was all he needed. He got dressed, combed his hair and went into the lab. But he left the lights off. With nothing on he felt blind but he needed a little time to think, without any interruptions. The lab was always that place. His first idea was to check the security cameras, but then he would feel like he was spying, so he didn't. It was stupid to want to give Johnny his privacy when something was seriously wrong. It was crystal clear, now that he had seen the dark, ugly bruises on Johnny's skin. _Johnny's perfect skin._ Reed shook that thought away. It lead to the ugly truth why he and Sue actually broke-up, even though he himself would not admit it. At least not aloud.

After a few moments of silence in the dark, he decided he should at least turn on the lights. Without getting up he searched for the control panel and hit the button. He blinked a few times, allowing his eyes to get adjusted and sighed as he moved to certain spots of the lab. While he was about to turn on one of the many computers, Reed saw the door to the other part of the lab wide open. However, that was not what had really caught his attention. There was a mark smeared on the clear door, a hand mark. Reed stood from his chair and made his way to the door. His hand brushed the dried smear of _blood_. It was definitely blood. He'd seen enough of it to know what it looked like. Reed thought back to the bruises on Johnny's skin and entered through the door. There was droplets of blood on the floor, but other than that nothing seemed disturbed. Except something _had_ been disturbed. The medical table at the side of the room was pushed slightly to the left and as Reed inspected further he noticed dents at the edge. Reed frowned. Dents that could have only been left by Ben. The scientist walked around the table, needlessly afraid of touching the metal. He shook his head at the ridiculousness of his actions. The table couldn't do anything to him, so why couldn't he bring himself to touch it?

_Because someone was hurt on this table, and that someone was probably Johnny._

No. It was definitely Johnny. Reed leaned down to stare at a darkened spot on the metal. It was a slight burn mark, in the shape of a hand. The print had been clutching at the edge s the marks ran off the corner. Several more indentations marred the metal and he immediately rushed over to his computers. Computer files jumped up at him from files beneath the screen panel. The surveillance camera files finally came up, however they had been turned off at some time during the night and by none other than Ben Grimm. Reed shook his head and fast forwarded the video. Nothing. There was just static and suddenly it blipped on. Johnny's face looked horrible. The tears that had been streaming down his face were dry but they had smudged with the blood.

"_So much for fucking video cameras huh, Reed?" _

It wasn't so much at the scientist as Johnny's face had simply turned and moved away. Dark bruises covered his _sweet, perfect,_ skin and this time Reed didn't deny the fact. He was appalled at the scene before him. Johnny took several steps towards the table Reed himself had been previously examining and wiped it of…semen. Reed blinked several times feeling extremely stupid. _Please, God, I must be seeing things._ Reed rewound the video file and shook his head. No. No, this didn't happen to Johnny, it happened to someone else, not to perfect, perfect J-

"You can't tell Sue." Johnny's voice broke the torrent of Reed's thoughts. "Please, Reed."

Reed was at a loss for words as he turned around to face his younger friend. There was no forced smile on his face this morning. There was only a dead look in his eyes and down turned lips that Reed swore looked pouty. Johnny sighed and moved forward sitting himself down quite a part from Reed. He was silent and the air between them seemed tense. Reed shut off the monitor and turned his chair, analyzing Johnny.

"Ben…"

"Yeah."


	4. Chapter 4

**Gasp! An Update. And it's looong. This time you guys wiiiill get another soon. Seriously. I'm 95 done with the next chapter. Sorry for such a long wait. But reviews really move me along. If the ending of this chapter totally sucks, it's cause I typed it at 4:00am this morning. But I did fix it up...Still I' a little aprehensive. I like the chapter though, hopefully you all will. And now I'm rambling. Go and reaaad.**

**Chapter 4: Confrontation**

Reed waited, and waited and waited for Johnny to say something, anything else. He waited for him to say that it was all a dream and the he'd wake up soon. Most of all he wanted Johnny to say he was joking. But of course the evidence was still playing on a loop by him on the computer screen. Johnny's haunted eyes were still boring holes into the ground and all Reed could do was sit there and tell him he wouldn't let it go on anymore. He couldn't, he knew now.

"Reed, I know you want to help, but you can't do anything without telling everyone. I don't want anyone else to know. Just let it go and I'll deal with it myself."

"Johnny," Reed stared at him, anger boiling underneath the calm exterior. He took a breath to calm himself. "This has been going on long enough and you haven't stopped it!"

At this, Johnny winced. Reed was right of course. Everything Reed said was true. With a sigh, the older man stood up. He scrutinized Johnny for a few minutes. The young man looked exhausted to say the least. He could tell he wasn't sleeping. There weren't any bruises on his face. Not from the first one that he had had in the beginning. Reed sighed softly.

"I'll figure this out, I swear,"

Johnny seemed to take an annoyance to the statement. "What's there to figure out, Reed?"

Reed deflated slightly as he stared at Johnny's defeated form. The young man who was normally so bright and cheerful didn't even seem to have a spark of life in him. Reed ran a hand down his face tiredly. This was going to be hard. How was he going to stop this from happening without alerting Sue to the problem? At that moment, Susan Storm announced her entrance into the lab. The Invisible Woman glanced over at Reed before bringing her full attention on her brother. Johnny seemed to have perfected his act. A grin was on his face and he greeted Sue with as much vigor as he had before the incident.

"Hey, Sue!"

Reed was astonished to say the least how quickly his mask was put in place. But he could see cracks in it. His ice blue eyes were far away, showing that he wasn't all there. The blonde stood and instead of sitting on the chair he heaved himself up on one of the empty desks just by him. Reed glanced at him, noticing that his hair was quite a bit longer than he was used to seeing it. He turned his attention away and back to Sue.

"Is something wrong, Sue?" Reeds words were light but he was uncomfortable. Their break-up had not been mutual on both ends and it had been harder for him to accept that they were really over this time around.

"Not at all, Reed. I just wanted to know what you guys were talking about, is that bad?"

"No, not at all." Johnny cut in, smirking slightly. It didn't show in his eyes. "I was just trying to get Reed to make some adjustments on my bike."

Reed shook his head. "And I was just explaining to him that I have too much work to get done."

Sue only smiled and shook her head. Her eyes went on her brother and Reed noticed the worry. There little story had fooled her but she still had doubts lingering in the back of her mind. She looked as though she were going to linger but she quietly excused herself and left the lab. Reed glanced at Johnny who relaxed visibly and carefully dropped himself into the chair he had been previously occupying.

"Any ideas, Reed?"

Reed had plenty. None of them he liked very much. But there was one that might actually work. It made him feel dirty all over but he couldn't help it. It made him feel like a voyeur, which was technically the exact thing that he would be doing.

"I'll watch from the security cameras and make sure that nothing happens to you. If I can reverse the affects to Ben's mental state I may just be able to get this all over with."

"Reverse his mental state? How are you going to do that?"

Reed sighed and stared at Johnny, calculating. There weren't many options and Johnny's skepticism was very found. Reed frowned turning to his computer and typing in several things. The screen began to flip through folders once more and the scientist went to work.

"I'm sure…if I can somehow 'kill' that part of Ben's psyche or…lock it away, then I'll be able to make it disappear forever."

"I'm still not following you. How are you going to make this work?"

"Well…I'm not sure. But if I can manage to hold him down for the night, get him into the machine that created the storm than maybe I can somehow manipulate it to merge Ben's personalities…"

Johnny stared at him, frowning, rubbing the side of his neck uncomfortably. This did not sound right at all. Johnny didn't want to be used as bait and then something happen to Reed. What if Ben managed to get him too? Reed was very good at immobilizing people but this was different. Ben knew what their capabilities were…and what if Johnny's thoughts were right and the reason he couldn't use his powers was because that personality was able to take their powers away? Johnny shook his head.

"Reed, this isn't going to work."

"Johnny, what do you want me to do? You don't want me to tell Sue or Ben, how am I supposed to help you? By doing nothing and allowing this to continue?!"

"Reed!" Johnny glared at him, but relaxed, seeming too tired to keep up the anger. "We don't even know the capabilities that Ben possesses while acting as his alter ego."

"Then this will be an experiment. If it doesn't work we're both in trouble." Reed paled slightly at the thought. "But we have to try something, I won't have this happen to you Johnny, not anymore."

Johnny gave a sigh and shrugged, immediately leaving his seat and out the lab. His form disappeared and Reed sighed heavily.

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Johnny knew he should have stayed with Reed the minute he left. It was out of the routine he had set up. There was nothing he could do outside of Reed's lab if they didn't have an emergency. And to tell the truth there had been very few emergencies since the beginning of these incidents. Johnny inwardly scolded himself for becoming irritated with Reed. After all he had wanted Reed to know in a small part of his mind. Not Sue, and definitely not Ben. Somehow he knew Ben would punish him even more. That thought alone put a shudder through Johnny's body. Aimlessly, Johnny stayed in the hallway and walked around, passing doors and such just so he wouldn't bump into anyone. Unfortunately there was Ben in all of his hugeness. Why, of all the people, did he have to bump into him? In this horrible state he was sure Ben would do his 21 questions and Johnny would end up caving. He was at his breaking point. At this point if Sue asked him what was wrong he would probably commit suicide by combustion-somehow. Ben turned around just at the right moment, when Johnny was about to break into the room at his right. However, the huge rock man managed to storm over towards him. Johnny was almost spluttering, his face paling by the second. Giving a smile in order to save his ass, Johnny straightened up feigning some of the confidence he had been stripped of.

"Hey, Pebbles." A cracking smile on his face, so much so that Johnny actually let it go in favor of a smaller smile.

"Don't you 'hey' me." Ben frowned, getting rather close to him. Johnny backed up. "I don't know what you've been doin' but you have Sue really worried."

"Well, she doesn't have to be, I'm fine!" A small forced laugh escaped his lips. "Honestly. I've never felt better in my life."

Ben squinted at him and just sighed. "She said you'd say that."

Johnny blinked in surprise as Ben turned away and continued down the hall to wherever it was that he had been going in the first place. Johnny relaxed, he didn't feel comfortable around him anymore. He had at one point and wondered what happened to those days where he was able to play pranks on Ben without being afraid he would receive an unwanted visit at night. Johnny also wondered what happened to himself.

It was nearly 11:00 in the morning, at this time Johnny would normally be in the kitchen trying to avoid as much conversation as possible but right now he was in the living room staring at the television. Staring at it, not watching it. Staring. Johnny flipped the channel once again but didn't find himself interested in any of it. Even when he passed the channel with all the hot babes on it he wasn't allured. There was definitely something wrong with him. Johnny blinked, odd that he had not been fazed by the thought at all. However, he _was_ surprised when his stomach growled at him. He got up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen. Sue was there and Johnny felt that he could take seeing his sister. It wouldn't be too hard to fool her, he could do it. He grinned as he made his way in, wondering just how fake it looked on his face. He opened up the fridge lazily, grabbing a bagel that he hadn't seen there a day ago. Taking a nice bite from the piece of bread, he leaned back against the counter where Sue was currently washing dishes.

"You haven't gone out lately, Johnny." Sue's voice was calm but her face was a mask of worry. Johnny almost sighed but caught himself before he could. She had every right to be worried and every right to be asking questions, and evaluating him. Maybe he was going crazy and she needed to send him to a shrink. Johnny almost laughed at himself.

"Nah, I'm tired of talking to all those reporters. My girlfriend doesn't like them and they keep poking around her business." It was the truth, really. The girl he had been dating, Lysa, she had been rather touchy about the reporters coming up to her and therefore he had actually asked them to stop bothering her. Johnny had not seen her for a few days and had only spoken to her on the phone the week before. She didn't seem to mind, stating that she was going on vacation soon anyway and wouldn't be back for a few weeks. She had even implied for him to come where she was staying if he wanted to. Johnny liked that idea but ever since the whole thing with Ben had begun, he hadn't wanted to go outside period.

"Johnny, you love the spotlight." Sue was staring at him with a frown on her face and he shrugged, taking another bite of his bagel. Damn, he had not noticed how hungry he was until this moment.

"Yeah…but if I want to be in a meaningful relationship than I must respect the wishes of my partner." He gave her a look, mock seriousness written all over his face. For a moment, he felt like himself again. That was until Ben stormed into the kitchen like the big lug he was. Johnny kept his eyes on Sue, grinned and then bid her adieu, gracefully leaving the kitchen. She didn't say a thing still shaking her head from his last comment. Johnny sighed as he finally got to his room door. Maybe a few hours of sleep would be good for him. After all, Ben's other side only came out at night, maybe he would become nocturnal, that could solve his problems. Johnny didn't think that idea would go well with Sue.

--

Reed woke him up sometime around five in the evening. He was surprised to find that the extra hours of sleep had done him some good and he felt better rested. The only problem was a headache that seemed to have risen from fucking nowhere. What the hell? Reed was pale and Johnny was thoroughly confused. He'd taken a nap and something had happened to Reed. Groggily the blonde sat up and stared at Reed.

"What happened?" the words sounded slurred as he spoke, his mind obviously still trying to wake up. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes.

Reed was whispering. "I have everything ready, I just need you to…well."

Johnny blinked. "Oh." So much for his restful sleep. "You want me to go and fetch crazy Pebbles, right?" Reed nodded. "As I thought. Alright, Stretchy man, I'll do what Johnny Storm does best."

With that Johnny went to the kitchen. As he thought Ben was there sitting at the table. Ah, yes, here's where it started wasn't it? Johnny knew what was going to come this time though and he went for the whip cream just like last time. Ben was staring at him with a sour expression. He messed with the cap a bit, adjusted it so that if pressed the entire thing would explode in someone's face. Johnny would have smirked if it wasn't for the fact that he knew doing this might just hurt him…or Reed. And he didn't want Reed to go through the same thing he did.

"Hey, Pebbles, think you can see what's wrong with this? It's not working." Johnny frowned and passed it over to Ben.

Ben frowned at him, suspicious, but took the whip cream bottle anyway. Facing the nozzle towards himself, Ben inspected it for a moment before turning it away and trying to spray the contents. At the contact, the bottle immediately sprayed whip cream on Ben's hand and all over his face. Ben was glaring at Johnny through the mask of white and Johnny knew it was time for him to run to the lab.

"Catch me if you can, Pebbles!" And with that he was off.

Ben came after him, threats flying out of the rock man's mouth. He could hear the subtle change in his voice, the slight twitch of his brows that came with the change in personality. He could see the way a sneer came on his face instead of a smile. Ben wasn't Ben anymore when this happened. Johnny came upon the doors of the lab and he rushed through as they opened for him. Reed wasn't anywhere in sight and Johnny just wondered what the hell was he supposed to do. Imperceptibly he saw it, there was a screen on one of the computer that was on. He made his way towards it, hearing Ben lumbering after him. On the screen was a small panel asking to press "okay" and he did just that before Ben pressed him down against it.

"I'm going to make you regret your tricks, Johnny, I thought we were done with this." Ben whispered in his ear and Johnny knew for certain that his powers were suppressed. He could feel it, the warmth coiling inside him, pulsing beneath his skin. Ben smirked behind him and grabbed his head. "You wanted a lesson so early, Johnny."

He felt a tug on his pants and his breathing sped up. _Dammit Reed, what are you planning?!_ Johnny was pulled back, hauled towards the room he had been taken to last. The only difference was that it seemed that with ever step Ben took, he was beginning to loose his grip on him. Johnny pulled away and frowned as Ben stood still in the middle of the small room. Something turned on and the clear doors were obscured by white walls which slid closed with Ben inside. _What the hell…?_ Johnny stared for sometime…and then everything went dark. The power went out for one second before the back up generator took the heat. But of course, nothing was as simple as everything seemed. A crash from the room Ben had been locked in brought him into the rest of the lab where Johnny stood, frozen. Ben stormed towards him, glowering as he grabbed at his throat. Johnny clawed at the massive hand constricting his airway. The crash seemed to alert the other two members of the Fantastic Four, although Johnny knew that Reed had been watching the entire time. Sue came, shock evident on her face. From the distance she was at, her force field tried to separate them. Johnny fell to the floor when Ben's grip relented and he was coughing, spluttering. Everything seemed to go wrong at that one moment.

Reed made to hold Ben only to find out his powers were useless when too close. Johnny struggled to get to his feet but everything remained rather blurry for the moment. Ben seemed to think that Sue was the one he needed to get first. She was the one holding him back from his prize. Johnny knew what was going to happen before his sister did. Her force field was weakening as she held it and soon it disappeared altogether and Ben was rushing at her like a bull. He slammed into her with all the force of an ox and rammed her into the wall, his massive arm crushing her. Johnny was running towards them but even as he launched himself at Ben it was useless. The large behemoth of a man swatted him away like a fly. There was a sickening crack of bones as Ben applied more pressure to his sisters body and his hand wrapped around her neck. Just like that, with the easiest motion of the hand her wind pipe was crushed, neck snapping.

Ben snapped out of his insanity and Johnny just screamed.

He knew it before he reached her, still crying out her name, that Susan Storm was dead.


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh look, 2 updates in one day. Don't say I didn't make up with the wait. Alright then. Don't know when the next update will be coming. But we'll see. I'm working on the next one. And just a note, this chapter will mention other Marvel characters but they won't be in it throughout the entire story. Believe me. Cross-overs aren't bad though cause...they're all in the same city. I wonder if you can guess before the end of this chapter which marvel character/s I'm bringing in. Anyway, on with the shooow**

**Chapter 5: Containment**

The body was taken from the Baxter Building, to the hospital, and finally to the morgue. Ben was taken away, and he left without a fight. Johnny sat in the hallway between the partially destroyed lab and where his sister took her last breath. His arms were around his knees as he stared blankly at the wall. It was already fixed, the only thing to show for the incident being the debris they left behind. They were repairmen, not maids. Reed was currently picking up the rubble, Johnny was just watching him with dead eyes. The older man glanced over at him from where he was, eyes red, but dry. It seemed that Reed had already cried his tears. As for Johnny, there wasn't anything left in him to cry. He had wallowed in his own depression for so long that this was almost a numbing experience. He felt like he was shutting down, something inside him was blocking off everything from the outside. He just sat there, head slightly canted to one side as though his neck could no longer support it. Vaguely, Johnny noticed Reed had finished and was walking towards him to enter the lab. Reed stopped by him and held out a hand to help him up. Johnny stared at it blankly for a few moments before taking the hand and following Reed into the lab.

It was quiet for a good, long, time. The only sound was Reed fixing things around the lab. Johnny's eyes watched as one arm stretched across the room this way and that. Vaguely he felt disgusted and awed by the sight but he didn't react. His emotions felt far away, lost in comparison to the last few weeks. He had been feeling depressed, now he just felt like nothing. He felt numb, dead. He would gladly be raped by Ben one hundred times more than have to face the fact that he would have to keep on going…alone. He should have covered himself better, he should have made it seem like there wasn't a problem. Reed would have never taken any concern to him and they wouldn't have made that ridiculous plan. All because she wanted to stop Ben from hurting him. They had been swatted away like flies and Johnny had new bruise decorated over his chest to testify that. It was really too bad, Ben was being held somewhere in high security. Some mental ward where they didn't know what to do with him. Reed was supposed to go in sometime to work something out with Ben. Johnny was supposed to prepare the funeral. The thought of seeing his sister lying in the casket was scary. It would be like seeing his mother all over again. He was the only Storm left.

He really had screwed up big time. Reed's plan had failed and it cost a life. As he watched Reed, he knew he couldn't blame him. In his mind he knew it really was his fault. If he had only left it alone, stayed away from Reed, gone with his girlfriend outside. There was a billion things he could have done, so many if's, buts, and maybe's. However, there was nothing that those things could have done now. She was gone and there was nothing that could possibly bring her back. He felt nothing, there was no second chance, not this time. He remembered how he had felt like the ground had escaped under his feet when he saw his sister dead on the floor. He remembered the coldness that had crept up inside of him, the darkness that threatened to swallow him even as he pretended to play hero. But it had been okay, because she had come back, she had been resurrected. This time there was no coming back, no changing time. Norrin was somewhere long gone, possibly dead, just like Sue.

"I-It's my fault." he blurted the words out before he had a chance to take them back. Reed stiffened slightly before stopping all work and staring at Johnny. "I should have told her, Reed. She wouldn't have gotten herself in danger, she would have known what was going on…"

"Johnny, Susan would have come to help you anyway, you know that. Don't beat yourself up about this. If it's anyone's fault its mine." Reed paused a moment, probably holding back tears. "I should have known that wasn't going to work. I should have known that we needed more power. Dammit, I almost got you killed too."

Johnny stared at Reed for a moment, seeing his face collapse in remorse. In guilt. Johnny didn't know if he should be guilty or not. Maybe they both shared the blame and here they were pointing fingers at themselves. Johnny moved around the lab, needing something to do lest he ruin something. The walls were suffocating, he had to get away. Reed's tormented expression was hurting him. He shouldn't be doing this to himself but he knew their fearless leader always did anyway. That was why he was the leader, everything was on his shoulders and he would always take it that way. Even with matters within the Fantastic Four themselves. Johnny frowned, Fantastic Three. The thought made him smile just a little, if only because Sue would have smiled too and laughed at the stupid name. Johnny left the lab with controlled steps and even as he made it to his room he didn't run. He exited the Baxter building through the window, shouting the usual as he flew through the light blue sky. Maybe he would find someone to punch on his outing.

--

The clouds were right to be out today. He wanted it to pour, he wanted the sky to cry with him. He wanted thunder to rumble and lightning to cascade down from the heavens. He wanted a storm to come, so that everything could be cleansed, all the horrible things that had happened could go away somehow. He stared down at his sisters casket, remembering a poem from somewhere that could categorize the moment. He couldn't quite remember the name but he remembered one verse. Johnny was never much of a reader but he had gotten into some things during the years. Besides, poetry worked well on the ladies sometimes. The stanza continued to repeat in his head and even though he knew it would be more fit if his wife had died, he still couldn't get it out of his head.

_You were my North, my South, my East and West_

_My working week, my Sunday rest._

_My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song_

_I thought love would last forever: I was wrong_

Love for a sister. Johnny wondered if Sue would have liked the poem. He didn't remember if he had ever mentioned it to her. Probably not because she would have made a big deal out of it. She would have asked him a million questions as to why he was reading poetry. Johnny smiled a little through his grief, staring down at his hands which were clasped in front of him. He thought back to the wake, how friends continued to ask him to say his last goodbye's to the body of his sister. He couldn't help but think it was like saying goodbye to a photograph. What was the photograph going to do, tell him goodbye back? Besides, she wasn't _gone_, she was like mom. Around forever, unseen. At least, that's what Sue had told him. She was always holding his hand, but right now he had to keep himself up right. For her. Thunder made it's raucous applause and lightning gave the sky a light show. Johnny knew the rain was coming but he wanted to get soaked. People were leaving now, Reed would probably wait in the car for him to come. Johnny knew he passed him, and he barely heard the murmur, "I'll be in the car."

The ground was soft, newly upturned dirt in his fingers. He took a handful in his fingers and poured it over his sisters casket six feet below where he stood. He stared down into the hole and moved back as the men begin to cover it. They finished and the rain cam down precisely at that time. There would be no more checking of the body, there would be no seeing it rot. He wondered if the rain got down there. He wondered if it seeped through the wood and onto her body. He wondered if she could feel it in heaven. He stood there long after the rain had soaked through his suit and would not longer be absorbed. He stood there till it stopped and his face was wet and dripping. He was surprised that he could feel the waters coldness on his skin. It had quickly evaporated in the beginning but soon it had cooled him off enough to actually drench him. It wouldn't take long for it all to dry but he had wanted that feeling. He wanted to feel the tears of the world on him and he had. Reed's footsteps reached him, and the older man held out a hand for him to accept. Johnny allowed him to help him to his feet. His knees cracked slightly, indicating that he had been crouching for much too long. He got into the passenger seat, wetting the entire thing. He didn't want to fly.

Paparazzi had been around earlier and he had scared them off. They had never seen him so angry. The pent up fury had been released on them. Ben didn't deserve to be punished for being mentally screwed up. Johnny watched the numerous head stones fly past the window and the gates of the cemetery stay behind them. Johnny leaned his head against the window and they rode back to the Baxter Building in silence.

Johnny didn't want to be left alone so he stayed with Reed in the lab. Reed was trying to occupy himself with something, but he obviously had nothing to do. The repairs on the lab had been finished before the funeral, Johnny helping to reseal the wall. The only thing Reed had to do was play with his little data pad, just as he had seen him do weeks ago when this whole thing started. Johnny rolled back and forth on the chair, trying not to think of Sue without success. The thing was, Sue was with mom now and she would be happy. Therefore, Johnny was forced to be happy. If his sister was happy, than so was he. His logic was clearly flawed. Johnny watched Reed with a neutral look on his face. The man was pale and looked as though he would break into little pieces if the wrong thing was said. Johnny wasn't going to say anything so they stayed in absolute silence for about an hour. It was interesting being stuck in his own mind. Johnny didn't particularly like it. He had changed and he wasn't sure he could go back to being his old self once everything was cleared up. This whole thing with Sue, he was deluding himself. He was obviously in shock, the emotional turmoil not having caught up to him yet. Even though he was okay know, he knew. He could feel it, the numbness returning even as he thought of a smiling Sue. The want to cry was returning.

"I...um…think I might have found someone that could help Ben." Reed spoke up, breaking the silence that Johnny had been killing himself in.

"Yeah?" Johnny rolled his chair towards him. "Who?"

"I'm sure you've heard of him. He's the leading man of the X-Men."

"You mean the mutants?" Johnny blinked. "The ones that have been having some problems with the government and all that? The whole cure thing?"

"Yes. Professor Xavier, he's a telepath." Reed looked up from the small screen.

"The bald guy in the wheelchair right? I've seen him on the news a couple of times." Johnny frowned. "Doesn't his team handle with the government stuff?"

"Yes. If we stuck our business into that, we would probably lose all funding and wouldn't be able to be a team anymore."

Johnny was wondering if they still could be a team. With Sue gone it was only the three of them, that was if Ben could lose that personality of his. He wondered if any of the other superheroes had to deal with this kind of thing. He doubted it. A lot of them worked solo, Spiderman and the Daredevil for instance. He had met Spiderman once or twice, he had seemed nice enough, if not sarcastic. But that wasn't the point. Johnny didn't know many of the other heroes personally, at least not really. They had never worked side by side, there was no collaborating between them. They were all in their own sphere's of influence. He liked it that way, Reed was crossing over into territory uncharted. Of course they didn't need to keep in contact with the man, all they had to do was ask him to help with Ben. Then they could repay the favor and be done with it. Johnny didn't like sharing the spot light. Well, unless it was with Spiderman who seemed to get a lot of it as well. He wondered what he looked like underneath that mask. _He's probably a geek like Reed._ Johnny smirked.

"So, when is he gonna meet us?"

"Well, we have to meet him at the Institute." Reed continued at Johnny's confused look. "It's a school for mutants."

"Oh." Johnny nodded. "Okay, then when?"

"Well I've set up a date for…this Friday. We just have to go there and tell him what's wrong. And then he'll be able to help."

"Alright then." It was Wednesday. He could handle this easy.

--

Friday, Johnny woke up late, something he had not done in a long time. It was 11:30 am when he checked the clock and even though the sleep had been long, he still felt exhausted. Johnny had still not recovered from his own mental trauma with Ben and it was weighing on him. Each time he closed his eyes he thought that he would feel large rough fingers attack him. Johnny sighed as he exited the bed and into the shower. The bruises were beginning to fade but his lack of appetite was still apparent and so he still looked malnourished. He almost thought about asking Sue something, only to remember she was dead. He exited his room, fully dressed and obviously in a foul mood.

Reed was in the kitchen, looking around for something to eat. He looked better than Johnny but not by much. There were circles under his eyes, almost identical to Johnny's. There was a cup of coffee in his hand and he only nodded at Johnny when he entered. Johnny opened up the fridge and grabbed a bagel like he had the day before. He could tell it was going to be a long day. They would be meeting this Professor in approximately two hours and Reed liked to be early so as soon as they were done with their meager meals, they left the Baxter building. Johnny would have flown but Reed didn't have that luxury so they took a car. The school was on the outskirts of the city, almost at the point of being hidden.

They parked outside of the large gates and Reed looked apprehensively at the establishment. It looked nice, too nice in fact. The place was much more welcoming than the Baxter Building. While the Baxter Building was tall and cold looking, the Institute was large in width and warm. As they entered, a dark skinned woman smiled at them. Her silver hair was long and she lead them through the halls of the school. Johnny couldn't help but think she was exceedingly pretty on the eyes. It was long walk before they reached the Professors office. A large amount of students, roamed around, passing by them. Johnny noticed a man approximately the same age Sue had been. He was wearing red glasses and as he passed, he seemed to smirk at him. Johnny was trying to remember the faces of the X-Men members but he hadn't really paid much attention to them, to be honest. However, the African American woman leading them, had to be Storm. At some point, Johnny was startled when a girl popped right out of the wall, if only he could stay here for a few days. It would be like entertainment.

They soon were at the professors office and Johnny noted that Storm didn't leave when they entered. There was another person in the office as they came in. Johnny recognized his face almost immediately. The black hair, unruly on his head, the gruff expression, it had to be the one called Wolverine, no doubt.

"Logan, remember what I told you. If this happens again, come to me immediately."

There was no answer just a shrug of his shoulders as he passed them. Johnny noticed he had paused slightly upon seeing them, eyebrow raised and a sniff of the nose. He wondered what the man was thinking.

"Ah. Right on time." The mans voice was rich and deep, warm and as inviting as his school. Johnny felt a little nervous about talking to this man. What if he just read his mind?

"Only if you allow me too, Mr. Storm." Holy shit, that was cool! Johnny found that he contradicted himself a lot. Reed seemed almost lost with this exchange until he finally fit the pieces together.

"Right, well," There was a kind smile on his face, one that said he was very patient. "You said you needed my help with a friend of yours, correct?"

"Uh, yes." Reed was the one who began explaining, glancing over at Johnny only briefly. "You see, I remembered that you specialize in mental treatment, seeing as you're a telepath I would find it very easy for you…Um. Well, you see I believe our friend has two personalities due to the alterations our genes went through in the radiation storm. He's very dangerous when this personality takes control and we were wondering if it would be possible to…merge or block off that personality from breaking free again."

Professor Xavier's face turned somewhat serious and he nodded slowly. "That is not out of my capabilities but I will need some help. If it isn't a problem I would like to have one of my students assist me in this task."

"Not at all." Reed frowned. "But I need to know if this student of yours has the requirements to help in this situation."

"Oh, she's quite capable, believe me. She has been here since she was a young child, there is no doubt that her abilities could far exceed mine. She won't jeopardize your friends mental health, don't worry."

Reed nodded and Johnny was interested in who this woman was. The Professor spoke of her with pride, almost as if she was a daughter. Johnny wanted to see this lady, that was for sure. This excursion from the Baxter Building had definitely done something to lighten his mood. He wondered if he could meet with some of the team here, after all maybe it would be too bad to make some friends in the superhero status. Johnny almost grinned.

"So, uh, Professor, there any chance I could look around this place?" Johnny spoke up, feeling rather left out of this one. "I'm kind of interested in what you do here, seems pretty sweet."

Reed interrupted him. "We should really get this fixed up before we do anything else, alright Johnny?"

"Fine, fine." Johnny shrugged and the older man in front of the room smiled. He heard the words in his head, _"John Storm, you are welcome to visit any time you like."_ It was so freaky, yet so cool.

"Mr. Richards, I think it would be a nice idea for you and Mr. Storm to take a look around. I still have some business to attend. I'll have Jean show you around."

A red-headed woman came through the doors and she smiled warmly at them. Johnny suddenly saw an angel. By the ring on her finger, she was taken. Johnny almost lamented, but he had Lysa and he wanted to stay with her for a while. One night stands were getting distasteful.

"Come with me. I'll give you the tour."

If only Susan were here.


	6. Chapter 6

**No, No I didn't die. Although I'm sure many of you were sure I did. I really do apologize for the long waits between chapters. I just lose my muse after long hours of typing. Not to mention personal issues that have not given me chance to properly sit down and write. I can't promise the next chapter will be quick but it seems that my muse is still at it, so I might get another one in tonight or tomorrow. Hope you like this one, even if I'm not too happy with it. **

**No warnings. Just angst.**

* * *

They say when someone goes crazy, they don't realize it. It's a slow process that slowly takes up the entirety of someone's mind. Johnny had never taken psychology before. He didn't know the way a person's mind worked, didn't really care. However, somehow he knew the feeling. The feeling that everything was coming down around you and there was nothing anyone could do about it. It was that feeling when you just wanted to jump off a building and never be seen or heard from again. Johnny was a perpetually happy young man, at least most of the time. Depression was rare in Johnny and he had only experienced it a handful of times in his twenty four years.

Johnny had felt depressed when he failed to save a little boy in a building fire. He had felt depressed when one of his serious girlfriends had committed suicide. He had felt depressed the few nights after Susan nearly died. Of course, then it had been because of the helplessness that had consumed him for days after. All of the "what ifs" whispering in his ears. At least then, she had been alive. Now, he felt lost and hopeless. He felt like he was grasping at air, drowning. He felt like he was going insane, trying to grasp at the feeling of nothingness. He didn't want to feel anything, yet everything felt like it was caving in around him.

The bathroom he had escaped into after their tour had ended was no sanctuary, but it kept him from Reeds probing eyes. He stared at the water running, swirling down into the drain as the water poured out of the faucet. He broke the current, his hands cupped to take in some water. The cold didn't quite breach his skin and by the time he splashed it on his face it was warm. Johnny sighed softly, leaning himself against the sink tiredly. The tour had been entertaining, but all the people had become overwhelming. He ran a hand through his too long hair. He still had failed to cut it, not caring for his appearance. The reflection that looked back at him in the mirror was not Johnny Storm. Someone else was staring at him there, a thin, gaunt reflection of what he once was. He averted his eyes, faintly realizing there was knocking coming from the other side of the bathroom door. Surprise that didn't quite get to his face registered somewhere in the back of his mind as he gave a grunt to indicate…something. He turned towards the door, walking in front of it and closing his hand around the knob to open it. Standing beyond the door was none other than Reed and he gave a tight smile that he didn't feel. The older man didn't say anything and just stood out of the way so that Johnny could get through.

Apparently they still had a chance to check out their training facility. The Danger Room was located in the innards of the mansion and used by the X-men. When they reached it, Jean Grey gestured to the locked door. Johnny frowned slightly, wondering why they weren't allowed access to the inside. However, he didn't voice his opinion and left it at that. He didn't have the energy to speak, much less to ask questions. They took too much thought. Thought was something that was extremely scarce at the moment.

Jean lead them back outside, finishing the tour with a bit of a flourish. There were a bunch of teenagers playing basketball by the courts, Johnny noticed one or two of them using some sort of trick to quickly get around the others. The red head smiled at the two of them before looking quite serious.

"We all heard of the unfortunate loss your team had a few days ago." Jean's voice was mournful, but Johnny just wanted her to be quiet. "If there's anything we could do…?"

Reed was the one to shake his head, obviously unsure of what to say. It took him amount to find the right words but even then they sounded hollow, "We appreciate the offer…but we'll do what we can."

"Well…the professor says your welcome to stay until he is done with his lectures. You can walk around the grounds if you like."

Johnny glanced over at Reed, giving a shrug. He was feeling out of sorts and wanted to get away. Get away from Reed, from all these people even from the beautiful woman standing in front of him. Perhaps on this mansion he could find some place that wouldn't make him feel so depressed. Reed made to follow him, but maybe it was the look on his face and he stopped. Quickly, he made to disappear in the crowd of students suddenly coming through. When he looked back, Reed and Jean were both gone. Johnny gave a sigh of relief and decided to venture through the school. Jean had gone through most of the mansion, leaving little to the imagination except for the interior of certain rooms and the inhabitants themselves. Johnny was quite confident that he could remember most of the foyers he had been brought through. The Human Torch wondered which went up to the roof. He figured it would be a nice view from up there.

Climbing up a flight of steps, Johnny reached another floor, eyes searching for another set of stairs. This place had not looked that huge outside. Sighing, the blonde finally managed to find his way up to the roof. It was a reprieve from all those students. They kept bumping into him, brushing themselves against him. Sometimes it was on purpose. He shivered, not liking the way this was going. It felt weird to have someone touch him, but that was irrational; none of them were Ben. Johnny made his way towards the edge of the roof, looking over the beautiful landscape as he did so. It was a really nice estate and it seemed to hold a lot of nice people. The young man sighed softly. Susan would have liked it.

He was startled when he heard someone else's footsteps. He jumped, flinching slightly before turning around to meet the eyes of the man from the office. Wolverine, right? Johnny stared for a moment before turning back to admire the view again. He wasn't bothering him, was he? He heard a chuckle from behind him, "Why so jumpy, kid?" Logan was amused. Johnny shrugged, not wanting to speak. He had come up to the roof to get away from people. "Don't worry, bub. I'm not gonna bother ya."

Johnny wasn't sure how the man had managed to understand what he was feeling, but then again he was probably an open book. The blonde sighed, the trip up to the roof was doing nothing to relieve his pain. He felt like his mask was about to crumble, he was about to break down. That familiar feeling of losing his mind was clawing at him, whispering in his ear. He swallowed several times, several fleeting thoughts of suicide running through his head. Johnny took a step forward, almost considering it before stopping. Susan would have been so disappointed.

"Somethin' eatin' you, kid?" The gruff voice spoke, Johnny had nearly forgotten he was there. Blue eyes turned on him, chewing on his lip. The man looked uncertain as though he were stepping into uncharted boundaries. Johnny stared at him. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to say it. This man had to have already known, it was all over the news.

"Didn't you hear?" Johnny responded, his voice sounding off even to him. He didn't put up an act, his energy was depleted.

"Kid, I've been too busy with my own agendas to pay attention to things concernin' your team." Wolverine just shrugged.

Johnny didn't reply. If the man didn't already knew, why would he possibly tell him? Turning his gaze out towards the scenery again, Johnny tried to find the tranquility in it. It really was nice. Perhaps if he were to relax out here for a while, everything would straighten itself out. He shifted slightly, glancing over at the large man a few feet away.

"So…you live here?" Johnny wanted to say something.

Wolverine gave a grunt for an affirmative. Johnny figured the man didn't want to talk anymore so Johnny shut himself up. This was pointless. Why talk with this man? He wondered if the other team members beside Jean Grey were as rude.

"Closest place I can call home, I guess." came the reply after sometime of standing in silence.

Johnny nodded, unsure where he wanted to go with this conversation. The sky was a bright, happy blue while he had a dark cloud over his head. He sighed softly, rubbing an eye that suddenly wanted to tear. He took a deep breath trying to hold back the tide, feeling that need to give in to the madness that was clawing at his mind. His fingers curled around the edge of the ledge, knuckles turning white. He shut his eyes, wanting nothing more than to scream but holding it back. Deep breath. He almost felt like he was hyperventilating for one cruel moment. Then a hand grabbed his shoulders

"Calm down, kid," the gruff voice was commanding, "Can't have you passin' out up here."

Johnny shrugged the hand away as though he were stung, fear taking over his face for one terrible moment. He shuddered, unable to repress it. He looked up at the man whose face seemed somewhat confused but not very curious. He took a deep breath, coming himself down, not wanting to make scene. This was ridiculous. Would he ever be able to get over this? He was frightened to be here, to be around people, to be outside. How many other people could possibly want to hurt him? He had enemies, what if they came after him as well? All the questions were going to drive him crazy and felt his heart beat speed up again, hammering in his chest. The irrationality of it all was begging for him to understand. The part of his brain that was still working, still clutching on to something like sanity begged for him to stop the madness. However, it seemed to rest of him thought otherwise. _So this is a breakdown?_ the thought felt far away, like watching himself through a movie screen.

---

"He yours?"

Reed looked up from the device he was surveying. His eyes fell on the narrowed ones of Logan as he cocked his head slightly towards the silent young man beside him. The large hand on his shoulder was removed, yet Johnny didn't seem to notice. Reed frowned, getting up from the chair he had been sitting in with a confused looking Storm. He took a good look at Johnny, who's eyes stared ahead as though he wasn't seeing a thing. Passing a hand before the blonde's face, Reed suddenly felt a slight panic.

"Johnny?" He snapped his fingers by his ears, but there was no response, "Johnny?!" He grabbed the younger man's shoulder and shook him gently, trying to get some sort of response. Anything. He was awarded with nothing, just a blank stare and silence.

"What happened?" Reed directed his attention from Johnny to the large man still standing a few inches away. "Was he like this when you found him?"

Logan crossed his arms over his chest shaking his head, "Nah, the kid was alright. Looked like somethin' was buggin' him though. Perhaps you'd like Jean t'look him over. I'm sure she could help ya out."

Reed was about to protest. He didn't want anyone poking around Johnny's brain. He was sure Johnny wouldn't appreciate that. They didn't to know what happened to him. It was something between them, between their team. Taking a deep breath, Reed shook his head. But what if he couldn't help Johnny, what if he couldn't bring him back from this? It was obvious this was a sign of the stress having finally caught up to him. After weeks of facing it by himself he finally was succumbing to it. All the signs he ignored, not sleeping, not eating. Reed ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"If it wouldn't be too much of a problem…"

"Know where Red is?" this question was directed towards Storm as Reed helped Johnny sit in a chair. Nothing, absolutely nothing. The two X-men left Johnny and Reed alone in the room. The brunet stood standing staring at his catatonic friend. Why did this all have to happen? Just when it seemed everything was going so well. First Susan and his relationship went down the drain just as he realized his affections were for her younger brother and not for her, then Ben started to act strange and do a series of rapes on poor Johnny, and of course Susan had to die. All in the span of three months. Reed knelt before the blonde, willing for him to do something stupid and laugh at him. He wanted him to tell him it was just a joke, he wanted him to start laughing at the astounded look on his own face. He wanted Johnny to say something. But it wasn't a joke. Johnny had not done anything mischievous for so long, Reed was sure that that Johnny had died quite a long time ago. He felt the tears run down his cheeks before he realized he was crying and pulled the unresponsive blonde towards him in an embrace.

"Dammit, Johhny, don't leave me alone."


	7. Chapter 7

**Wow. Been a good five months. I have to stop doing that to you all. I don't like this chapter but I hope you guys do.**

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**Chapter 7: Frozen**

He didn't want to give up Johnny to a psychiatric ward, even after Jean had not managed to make him respond. He was sure that Johnny would come out of it sooner or later. He could take not being able to be the Fantastic Four anymore, he could take anything, he just couldn't end up alone. Ben, who was his best friend, would be out of commission for a while…maybe forever if the Professor wasn't able to help. He was sure he wouldn't be able to handle it all by himself. He would probably just end up stuck in his lab never speaking with anyone and becoming even more secluded than normal. Professor Xavier said he would take a look at Johnny after he was done with Ben. Reed sighed, running his hands through his hair and down his face.

They sat in the back seat of a car with Jean Grey at Johnny's left. The driver, a brunet about Johnny's age wearing a pair of shades with red lenses, seemed genuinely concerned about the state Johnny was in. The professor was helped into the passenger seat of the car as his wheelchair was folded and put into the trunk. In all this time, Johnny made no remark, didn't look out the window, didn't move. He was just there, like a doll. A beautiful doll. Reed looked out the window, only attentive when their driver questioned the wise professor,

"Where to, Professor?"

"Bellevue Medical Center."

Then, they were back to silence. It was this that Reed was afraid of. He was afraid that this was the silence Johnny was used to. Somehow he figured that if they all kept talking Johnny would eventually come back and not be so silent anymore. Reed sighed softly and watched the scenery go by as they eventually made it into the city. The large towering buildings loomed above them, turning into a grey blur as they sped down the Manhattan streets. Eventually, traffic slowed them down and they headed onto the highway. It seemed that they were trying to get there with as few stops as possible.

"So, Mr. Richards, right? What exactly happened to your friend? Just snapped?"

Reed noticed that the young man's head looked up to the rear view mirror for only a moment when he was addressed. Reed didn't know what to say. He had never been good at talking to people, it was one of his many problems. He was the anti-social scientist. There was a pause as he thought of what to say and he sighed,

"We had theorized that the changes to our genetic make-up caused a rift in his mental state due to some abnormalities in his personality. Therefore we did some tests to find out if he was really mentally unstable. We didn't find anything to accurately affirm our theory and therefore didn't see any reason to pursue medical assistance…and then he had a psychotic episode which ended in the death of our teammate Susan Storm."

The media had been screening something different, stating that Ben Grimm had become a rampant killer, a menace to society. Reed had read the head liners and ignored them. What did they know? They could fabricate a story with just their imagination and the sad thing was, people would believe it with little to no doubt. The media were just a bunch of scavengers out to get whatever they could. There was no reply from Scott Summers except a brief nod of his head. His attention was drawn back to the highway. Reed looked over at Johnny, hoping for some reaction at the mention of Susan's name but there was nothing. It was as if he was on another planet.

Reed looked off out the window at the passing cars. A large green sign told them they were just passing 42nd street and he wished Johnny would say something about that too. _Let's stop here, there's this movie I want to see!_ Reed shook his head and sighed, he was so tired. He was so, so tired of everything. He took a deep breath, trying to relax a little. The traffic was still a bit thick, but Reed noticed they were heading on an exit. Professor Xavier apparently had his eyes closed--was he asleep?! The large hospital loomed overhead, and while Reed knew exactly where they were keeping Ben, he couldn't see how they had him secure. Scott Summer's stopped the car just in front of the building, motioning for everyone to get out. Reed had little trouble with Johnny, who seemed to be on autopilot. His hand felt warm in his own.

"Alright. Mr. Richards, please take us to where they are keeping Mr. Grimm."

Reed nodded at the professor, stepping forward with Johnny in tow. As they entered the hospital, he came up to the front desk where a nurse sat. Her eyes were glued to the computer screen and Reed could tell she wasn't doing work.

"Excuse me."

The nurse looked up, a bright smile spreading across her rosy red lips. She seemed a little too happy for someone working at a hospital. "Mr. Richards! Here to see Mr. Grimm?"

"Yes ac--"

"Is he alright?"

Her attention had was suddenly directed towards Johnny who was staring at the floor without any expression on his face. His hands were hanging limply at his sides. He was so still that it left Reed almost speechless.

"Uh…Yeah. Just a little…uh…I need to see Ben, and I've brought with me some visitors as well."

Her skepticism was easily shown on her face but she said nothing else on the matter. Her only movement was a nod and she called in security. Guards arrived in less than five minutes ready to take them to the lower levels where they had Ben. Down into the basement of the hospital they went; through metal doors all securely locked. The government had paid for it all. The last door opened up into a large room. Strapped to a specialized bed, was Ben. Sedatives hadn't worked on him, but it was apparent that he had not become his other personality since his admittance. It was sad to know this, but Reed wasn't going to allow him to get out until the Professor to look at him.

"I'm going to need some time to do this. I'm asking for _complete_ silence."

---

_He liked the quiet. As long as it was quiet, he couldn't think of anything. The horrible screaming had stopped and he was finally able to enjoy the silence. He could be all by himself, no one to bother him. Maybe just Susan, but she hadn't shown up yet. He had heard Reed earlier, but that had been such a long time ago he didn't remember why he had come. Probably to take him away, but he didn't want to leave. Who would want to leave paradise? The screaming started up again and he sighed, all day all night when are you going to shut up? He didn't know who the screaming was coming from but it certainly wasn't from him. There was someone trying to speak to him, but he ignored them. It sounded like the pretty lady with the wedding ring. She disappeared soon too. He didn't want them, he wanted Sue. She was sure to come soon, right?_

_The whiteness was all around him. He was about to wonder where all the comforting colors had been when Reed's voice came back. He sounded sad, Johnny figured he should listen just in case. Maybe he couldn't stay there forever. It was so nice though here. Why leave? It was quiet again, no screaming and no more talking voices. Why did Reed sound so worried anyway? He was fine here, nothing was hurting him and to be honest, he didn't know why anything should. Everything was perfectly fine, so everyone else should be happy too. Maybe he could invite Reed, but Reed was such a killjoy. He didn't know how to party. Unless you counted the bachelor party that got ruined by Sue, that was so gross. Sue…_

_Where was she? She was the only one he wanted to come and see in the whiteness with him. That would make this place even better. Yeah, that would be great. Now if only he knew where to go get her._

"_Sue?"_

"_You were always so slow."_

"_Were?"_

_Sue was suddenly sitting next to him with a smile on her face. He smiled back, giving her a slight nudge. "I was waiting for you, sis." He grinned childishly--in essence he was just a kid in this place._

"_You have to go back, Johnny."_

_He frowned a little. Back where? This was his paradise, his home. Where else would she want him to be? Sue was here. Not there. "Why?"_

"_Because you have to. You don't belong here Johnny. Wake up, silly."_

_He stared at her and sighed. Why did she want him to go back? She was here. No one wanted to hurt him here. He was safe. He grabbed onto her, pulling the thirteen year old Susan into his little arms. He didn't want to let her go. She just got here. She couldn't just leave him now. Not all alone._

"_I don't want to leave Sis. Don't make me leave."_

_She didn't respond, and just pat his head like she always did. Johnny pressed his head against her, trying to hide his tears. He knew she was gone, knew that if he left she would never come back to him again. He didn't want this to be all a dream, even though he knew it was. It was his mind letting him escape for a blissful few hours and let him recuperate. Johnny shook his head at her._

"_Let's play hide and seek."_

_Susan laughed, "Where are we going to hide, Johnny?"_

_He shrugged, getting up and running in one direction, the expanse of white taking him in. He heard her footsteps fading into nothingness. He looked back, his little legs tripping as he did so. She was gone. He stopped, looking around him at the nothingness that surrounded him. "Sue!" He whirled around, heading in another direction although he wasn't getting anywhere. She had disappeared into the whiteness and that was that. He screamed this time, somehow having passed through that place he called paradise and running into his own personal hell. He kept running, no longer deceiving himself in pretending to be a little boy. That seven year old was gone and had been for a long time. Something blocked him from his sprint, an invisible wall shielding him from preceding any farther into the white abyss._

"_Johnny."_

_He looked around staring at Susan, no longer a thirteen year old little girl but how she had been before--_

"_Yes, Johnny." She frowned, shaking her head at him._

"_No!"_

_The force of the word brought a surge of heat that he hadn't really called up. He shook his head, tears streaming down his face as he found himself collapsing on the ground. "I can't do it, Sue! I can't."_

_He saw her feet stop by him and looked up just as she was kneeling down in front of him. She looked sad and remorseful but he knew she wasn't going to tell him anything good._

"_I'm right here Johnny. I'll always be right here."_

"_You're gone because of me, Sue. It's all my fault."_

"_No it's not."_

"_Who's fault is it then?!" He didn't mean to scream but he did, finding it hard to keep himself calm. Susan frowned at him, and suddenly slapped him across his face. He was stunned, his face burning where her hand had connected. Somehow he knew there was a little more than just her usual strength there. _

"_No one's. Not yours, not Reeds and not Ben's. It was an accident, Johnny." She was looking him in the eyes, imploring him to understand, "It was an accident."_

_A desperate, animalistic scream came from him as she pulled him in her arms again. He sobbed against her; fingers clinging to her shirt not wanting to let go, "Please, Sue, don't leave me, please?"_

_His chest heaved, and suddenly his arms were empty. He stared at the empty space before him, his arms still in the motion of holding onto her. He blinked several times, shocked that she had disappeared again without even saying goodbye. He stood there on his knees, eyes wide and unable to think. Her voice suddenly carried to him from beyond the whiteness, "I'm always here, Johnny, don't let go. Not yet."_

"_But, Sue-"_

"_No, Johnny. Live, Johnny. Don't give up, don't let go. You have to wake up."_

"I have managed to isolate the other personality from the rest of his mind_, _there shouldn't be any complications now."

Johnny blinked several times, the whiteness he had gotten used to melted away. Reed's hand was in his, clammy and hot. He pulled his hand away, suddenly very lucid. The professor's eyes quickly moved to him as did everyone else's. He shook his head, looking over at Reed who's face was that of relief.

"Nice to have you back Mr. Storm."

He nodded, unable to form any words that would string together coherently. Reed's arms were suddenly around him and he flinched, surprised by the action. He felt so confused, where were they and what was going on? He cleared his throat, "Wh-…What's going on?"

"You've been…unresponsive for nearly twelve hours."

Twelve hours? Johnny stared blankly at Reed. It wasn't necessarily a long time in comparison to a long term coma patient but he was still a little surprised. "W-Wait…what about Pebbles?"

"Perfectly fine. It took some time but Jean and I managed to isolate the personality that was causing problems within your team."

Johnny stared at him, unsure. That easily? What if it wasn't so perfect as they thought? The blonde nodded at the wheel-chair bound man and stepped away. Apparently from the emblem on the wall to his right they were at Bellevue.

"Has anyone spoken with him?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact Mr. Richards did and says everything looks to have gone well."

Johnny nodded, "Can I?"

Reed stared at him, "Maybe we should have the Professor look you over as well, Johnny. You were barely here just a few minutes ago."

"I'm fine, Reed. Let me just talk to him, I want to make sure."

He wanted to know that they had done it right. Johnny knew that if anyone could test it was him. Not even the haziness clouding his mind could deter him from that. He swayed slightly, Reed reaching out to grab him. He pointed to the closed door by their right and Reed nodded. "Johnny, maybe you should do this later. You really should get looked over."

Johnny stared at Reed, then at the ghostly image behind him. Susan smiled at him, waving. He didn't say anything, he just turned towards the door and opened it, "Gotta do this now, Reed, before I lose it completely."


	8. Chapter 8

**This was supposed to get to you all...about two months ago. But my computer decided to be weird and I had to get it fixed. ...Yes it took this long. But here you are. It would have been six pages but it got cut in half so here's what I've brought. I know, you must hate me for my long delays. I apologize profusely. Hopefully you like the chapter despite its cliche--**

**read eet.**

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**Chapter 8: Fissures**

Ben Grimm had never been a violent person by nature. He was very down to Earth and a particularly nice guy. While he wasn't against violence and wasn't against doling it out when needed, Ben would never do that to one of his loved one's. While Johnny bothered him and got on his nerves, the little hot shot was his family and he would never hurt him. At least, he had always thought that way until he found Susan dead and by his hands. The incident was still shoddy in his memory and distorted by stray, angry thoughts. Ben didn't like the stray angry thoughts from that particular memory so he ignored them and focused on trying to understand what happened. He hadn't been in control. That far was certain. Otherwise, he didn't understand heads or tails of anything. He had allowed himself to be lead away to Bellevue Medical Center and straight into the top security chamber made just for him. For several days it was just a bunch of doctors and an occasional visit from a stricken Reed Richards. There conversations were sparse, avoiding the actual subject. Reed promised he would be okay and then he would leave. Sometimes he would lose all coherency and he would wake up hours later to find out he had said or nearly done something to earn him no visitors. That was until Professor Xavier and Jean Grey had entered his room that day.

The Professor was a kind man with a shiny bald head and a sweet smile. He promised he would make the other Ben go away. Ben believed the mutant. Ben knew the mutant could mend whatever had happened to his mind. Whatever had made it so against Johnny Storm. It took longer time than he had hoped for and he sometimes lost control to the other. Sometimes he could reach out to the Professor and there were other times when he was all alone. Ben didn't know how long he was there fighting for control, for dominance but when the fog cleared he wasn't fighting anymore. Ben felt refreshed. He hoped to see Reed soon open the door and get him out of there but it was hours before anyone opened the door. And when that anyone did open the door, it was a blonde head that appeared; not an anti-social brunet. They stared at each other for a very long time. Neither spoke a word. Johnny took a deep breath and a few steps forward.

"Pebbles."

There was animosity in the way Johnny said the nickname and it stung to hear it. There was a far away look in his blue eyes that Ben didn't like and he kept looking to the side as though someone else were there. Ben waited silently for the younger man to continue. He looked exhausted as though sleeping had been hard for a long time. Ben hated himself.

"Pebbles" again. Johnny finally looked at the rock man and his eyes were so clear and intense that Ben had to force himself not to look away. It was sudden. Johnny's fist collided with his face but the strength in the punch did nothing to him. Even as Johnny continued to do so, Ben felt nothing. He didn't even feel annoyed, or angry. Johnny was testing him, trying to see if he would do something that turned him into the other Ben. Apparently, however, he was successfully locked away. When Johnny finally stopped, Ben saw that his knuckles were raw and bleeding. His fingers looked slightly crooked and Ben knew he had broken several bones in his hand. Punching Ben was just like punching a brick wall. Johnny didn't seem to feel it as he clenched his fist tightly. Ben heard the pop of his bones as they protested.

"You're hurting your hand." commented The Thing quietly.

"I know," he took a deep breath, "I shouldn't hate you Ben…but I don't know if I can tell you that I don't. He had your face and your voice…He was you even though he wasn't. He killed Sue in your body." At that last sentence, Johnny looked to the side and Ben realized that he must have been seeing his sister. The realization worried him but it looked as though it worried Johnny more, "You're not him. Whoever he was. But…I have this irrational anger at you for not noticing that this was happening. Don't get me wrong Ben, I don't blame you. I just…I hate him and he's you."

Ben understood the words completely even though they were a little muddled, "I'm sorry." The words felt hollow and stupid.

"I know."

---

Johnny was asleep for two days and Reed was worried. Professor Xavier had checked him over before leaving and said that the rest was necessary. Reed was alone in the Baxter building while Johnny slept; occasionally waking him to get him to drink some water or fix the bandages on his hand. He hadn't said anything when he realized the blonde had busted his hand upon exiting Ben's room. He had noticed Johnny's obvious distraction as he looked in different, seemingly random directions. There were times when Johnny even seemed to want to say something but caught himself. When they had reached the Baxter Building, Johnny had collapsed into his bed and fallen asleep. Reed tried waking him the next day when it was obvious he wasn't going to on his own. It had been a serious surprise when he couldn't even make him mumble a word. So, Reed contacted the professor and the man said with a kindly voice that he would be fine and needed to rest. He was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted beyond his limits. It was only rational for his body to need the recovery time. Reed understood. He had understood before he contacted the professor but he had needed the reassurance.

After some arrangements it was assured that Ben Grimm was mentally stable and able to return to the Baxter Building. However, the doctors there insisted that he return for normal check-ups to make sure he didn't regress. Reed was sure that it would be better if the professor did those check-ups. It was quite obvious he knew what to do better than the supposed professionals did anyway. Reed was overjoyed by the good news but also concerned. He didn't know what Ben's return meant for Johnny's health. It was more than obvious that the steady descent into depression had already been made. It would only get worse before it got better. There was rage hidden there. Reed wasn't sure what to do about it. His only idea was to let Johnny deal with it. But at the same time, he knew Johnny _couldn't._ Johnny needed the reassurance, the helping hand. He needed that push, that steady shoulder, that unyielding resistance he met when he had a problem.

He needed Sue.

Susan had always known what to do to help Johnny. An incident a year after they had formed had left Johnny uncharacteristically rattled. He had not been himself. Reed remembered him locked up in his room for hours and taking long walks out to who knew where. It was only after Susan had steadfastly ignored his silence when she spoke to him that he had responded. Johnny had come back to life because Sue had grabbed his hand and pulled him back out of the pit in which he had fallen. Reed wasn't the comforting type. He was awkward and alien to such things. Reed dealt with things his own way. He wasn't good with the emotional turmoil of other people. He was used to an annoyingly happy and boisterous Johnny. He was used to seeing him as the crowd pleaser, the man everyone wanted to imitate.

The Johnny that he had become was nothing like the Johnny from before. The brash, cocky womanizer had died. In it's place rose this dead shell. And Reed mourned. He mourned for Susan who was no longer there to help them all out. He mourned for Ben who probably had the guilt of the world on his shoulders. He mourned for himself because he didn't know what to do. But he mourned for Johnny. He mourned for Johnny's loss of life, for the person he was and for the person he had become. Reed mourned because it was the only thing he could do without losing his mind like everyone else. Reed needed to be that pillar of strength even if he didn't feel like he could do it.

When Johnny finally decided to wake up…and stay conscious, Reed gave him something to eat. He eventually coaxed him out of his room and into the living room where they watched the television. Or rather, the television watched them. Reed never had much of an attention for the nonsensical programs that they gave every day. Johnny on the other hand loved watching television, especially when it had to do with women, cars or sports. However, Johnny was staring at the far side of the room at something Reed couldn't see. He kept staring until, uncomfortably, he turned away with a sigh. He muttered something Reed couldn't hear and turned his eyes on the flat screen before them. Reed didn't bother asking him what he said and focused on the TV as well.

"Reed?"

"Hm?"

"Will you promise not to send me to Bellevue?"

"What?"

"Promise me you won't send me to Bellevue."

As strange as the request was, Reed couldn't argue. The look on Johnny's face was serious and Reed held the stare. He waited while the blonde fixed his thoughts into place,

"You know how I…blanked out for all those hours?"

"Yeah…"

"Well…ever since then I've been seeing Sue. Everywhere. Sometimes she talks to me. Sometimes she just watches me. But she's there. Every where I go. I know you can't see her and it's only me…I'm going crazy, am I not?"

Reed stared at Johnny for long moments before coming up with a decent reply, "No…but I suppose the stress and strain you've been going through lately conjured up this image of Sue that provides you some sort of escape from everything."

"Reed, I'm going fucking _crazy_"

Reed stared at Johnny not quite sure what to say. He was worried and wanted to help but he didn't know what to do for him. Reed wasn't good at this sort of thing. Comforting people was Susan's job. Susan, Susan, Susan. Johnny shook his head looking more lost than anything else. Reed sighed and shut off the television. Johnny didn't protest and turned his gaze back on Reed. The expression on his face was heart breaking. Reed wracked his brain for something, anything and came up blank. He was supposed to be so brilliant, yet he couldn't even help one of his best friends in his time of suffering. He wasn't thinking. His mind went suddenly blank.

And then he leaned forward and kissed Johnny.

The reaction wasn't expected. It wasn't something Reed had even planned on doing so he was shocked to find his lips connected to the younger male's. There was a gasp, obvious surprise, but Johnny didn't pull away. Reed knew this was wrong. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. Johnny's lips were still on his, but finally his brain was catching up to him. He pulled back, eyes wide as he stared at the blonde. The younger man looked dazed, "Reed--"

"I shouldn't have done that!" He stood from the couch, "I'm really sorry."

And with that, Reed left the living room and into his bedroom.


	9. Chapter 9

**MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Sorry again. As usual. I really am! I've been working on another story (I know, bad, Ari, bad!) it's an extremely long one-shot which I did finish. If anyone's a fan of Star Wars you may want to check it out, "If It Were Perfect". If not, at least you know I why I wasn't updating.[/advertisinglol]  
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** I wanted to thank _Niiroya_ for pointing out a mistake I made in a previous chapter which will be fixed!, thanks duder--which is genderless btw! --don't want to offend anyone haha. **

**Also, I wanted to mention in case I haven't before, if I haven't updated the reason will be on my profile page. If THAT hasn't been updated it's because the reason stays the same or I've been busy.  
**

**Oh and I want to dedicate this chapter to _Tally82_. Really, your reviews make me smile. And force me to write more--as does everyone else who reviews because it reminds me "HEY people are waiting for you to update!" Really, I love reviews so pleaasee! if you're reading and haven't reviewed take a second to say, "Hi there, I'm reading!"  
**

**And I'm going to apologize before hand...it's a boring, probably shorter than my last, chapter. Not much happens yet. Next chapter should get some more things rolling.**  
**Here's a little WARNING though: Some hetero sex here. It's un-descriptive but thought I'd mention it anyway~ **

**Excuse my babbling, Read on my friends!  
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**Chapter 9: Confusion**

Johnny didn't know what had happened. That night he didn't sleep; all the sleep he had had was making him restless. Reed wasn't gay; was he? He had nothing wrong with homosexuals aside from the fact that he didn't understand why they didn't like the beautiful and gorgeous beings called women. He also couldn't understand how they could like any version of sex that they partook. There had to be something, dare he think it, _pleasurable_, to them. He shook his head, disgusted by his sudden train of thought. There were his own feelings to think about as well. He hadn't pushed away. He hadn't pulled away. He had just stayed there and furthermore he'd _wanted_ Reed to kiss him. He was confused. If he thought about it rationally, it had been several weeks since someone actually wanted to touch him out of real affection and tenderness, instead of for sexual release. In that sense, Johnny could understand _why_ he would want to lean into Reed's comfort. Then again, it repulsed him. The very idea of any homosexual interaction was enough to make his head reel and his stomach clench. It's not like he had any good experiences to help improve that outlook.

Reed had been with his sister. As far as he knew, Reed only ever went out with women in the past. From what he could gather, Reed was perfectly straight and he had no inclinations towards men in the past. Had this been a one time thing or a build-up after a long time? Johnny liked to think he knew Reed quite well. He was a nice guy even though he was strung a bit too tightly. He was a brilliant scientist; one of the most intelligent men in the world. He was a bit anti-social and disliked parties. He also apparently had a romantic inclination towards Johnny. The blonde glanced over to the specter that appeared in the form of Susan Storm. She was sitting by his bed staring at him. It wasn't any different from usual. Her blue eyes were wide as she watched him. His own half-lidded blue eyes stared back and he parted his lips to speak. He had never entertained conversation with the mirage, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to do so now. He was already quite far gone, why not flush the rest of his sanity down the drain?

"Did Reed leave you because he was in...love...with me?"

He knew that Susan didn't know. He knew that because she was a figment of his mind. Even though he knew this, he asked anyway because it was bothering him. He figured as long as she was there she could try and answer questions.

_"Oh, Johnny, I only know as much as you." _her voice bounced around in his head, echoing in an eerie fashion as though each word was coming right after the other.

"Figured that much." Johnny didn't move off the bed. He lay on his back with the moonlight streaming in through the curtains of the open window. His head faced where she was looking back. "Why are you here then?"

_"Because you want me to be here, Johnny."_ She smiled.

"No I don't. I don't want you here. It's creeping me out."

_"I'm going to be here until you stop lying to yourself. You want me here, Johnny. You can try and convince yourself otherwise, but I'm here because it comforts you to know that I'm not all that far away."_

Johnny didn't argue with the specter because he knew it was true. There was some part of him that needed her right there. She kept him sane.

"Fine." Johnny sighed, "But right now I'm going to go get laid. So, you have to disappear or something."

_"Of course, Johnny."_

She was gone in an instant much like the real Invisible Woman. After five minutes she didn't come back. Johnny really did intend to go get laid if only for the fact that he wanted to rid himself of that feeling that Reed had risen in him. He wanted someone to touch him with affection; without the anger that Ben had shown. He wanted the dirty, disgusting feeling that had been consuming him to lift. He wanted to feel like himself again. So he left the Baxter Building and headed out into the streets of New York. He passed through several clubs before heading into one. It was pretty unknown and in the deeper, less classy part of Manhattan. The bartender gave him an odd look when he sat down on a stool. Of course the man knew his face. Johnny wasn't there because he wanted to be recognized. He was hoping that it was far enough out of the way that whoever was in the bar didn't know much about the news or of superheroes. He knew it was a lost cause but figured he'd try his luck anyway. All of this bad luck had to turn around sometime.

A very beautiful girl was a few seats away. Her perfect white teeth glistened when she smiled. Her long black hair cascaded down her back and over the red halter top she was wearing. Her long, lean legs were barely covered by a pair of short shorts. He found out she was a mute, but he knew exactly what she wanted when she moved forward in that way that all women do when they want to get laid. Her hips swayed invitingly and she laid her hand on his thigh, fingers grazing his crotch. He forced himself to smirk. He pressed his lips against hers, pulling her body against his own with one strong arm. He could feel her smile on his face. Her soft hands ran through his short blonde locks, finding all the aching spots on his skull and driving them away. His tongue darted out onto her soft bottom lip and she took that as her cue to allow his tongue in. The sound of a fist hitting down on the bar table startled the female and they looked over to the annoyed bartender. His mind felt hazy and his skin hotter than usual, if that were possible.

They were moving, weaving through people in the bar and heading to some unknown motel. He grabbed a room and in they went; clothes flying. Their lips meshed, tongues clashed as he gently lowered her down onto a bed that had probably seen more than its fair share of lovers. He roamed her body, covering every plane of the soft skin. Skin that wasn't rough in anyway, skin that wanted him, skin of a _woman._ His hands roamed over her naked thighs before coming back up to cup her breasts tantalizingly slowly. It wasn't long before he was kissing her again and made them as one. The way she arched her back and head was enough of assurance to continue. He kissed her jaw and down her neck, grazing his teeth along her collar bone and back up to her ear. She gasped, skin slapping against skin, tight, wet heat. He groaned and her tanned legs wrapped around his waist. Her arms draped lazily around his neck, hands massaging a knot of tension there. He was lost in the moment, eyes shut as he listened to the sounds of pleasured ecstasy coming from her lips. For a moment he almost felt happy. Still, something clawed at the back of his mind. Something that told him this wasn't the way he was going to help things. He kissed her again but his mind betrayed him as he imagined kissing _Reed_ instead. He didn't analyze it though as her voice cried out.

And it was over.

Spent, he rolled over onto his back, noting the smile on her face. She stood but not before giving him a farewell kiss. After taking care of her business she jotted down a note and left it on the bedside table. As the door closed he let the feelings wash over him. He had wanted to panic at one point. He'd shut his eyes for just a moment and the rocking had nearly driven him off the edge. He still felt dirty. He felt even worse. He'd used the girl to get rid of this and yet he was unsatisfied. He sat up and took a shower in the adjoining bathroom. He pulled on his clothes but didn't leave. The room smelled of sex and probably had even before they entered. The small note on the bedside table said, "Anytime you want to do this again, Melina" and a number he doubted he'd ever use. He suddenly felt sick. It wasn't anything like before, but it was the same principal. It was just to get off. That's what he wanted though, wasn't it? To feel release? Johnny took a deep breath trying to steady himself. What was wrong with him? He couldn't even have relations with a woman without feeling this way. He had a strong urge to throw up. He dropped his head into his hands and not for the first time contemplated suicide. It would be easy. He could get some rope and hang himself with it. Or he could jump off the top of the Baxter Building. Maybe if he got something strong enough he could overdose. But that was the least likely of the methods. He could cut his wrist. He'd once been told that the proper way to kill oneself is to cut down the wrist vertically. They would bleed out faster. There were possibilities...

He shook himself. He needed help. These thoughts had been roaming around in his head since he'd first been raped. _To lose total confidence in yourself in a matter of weeks._ Johnny stood from the bed and grabbed his jacket off the chair he'd thrown it on, heading to the bathroom. He had to get back to the Baxter Building. He was sure Reed would be wondering where he was.

***

Johnny had been gone for several hours. Reed wasn't sure what to make of that. He was afraid of what the young man would do on his own. What if he tried to commit suicide? Reed had thought about it. He had thought about all the results of such a traumatic experience as _rape_ could have on a person.

It was early in the morning and he couldn't sleep. The red light on the LCD screen of his clock told him it was nearly six. He groaned to himself, pressing his face into the pillow. He felt ashamed of himself. Why had he done that? Why had he kissed Johnny? He uncharacteristically screamed into the pillow. He felt like a child having a temper tantrum. Johnny probably wouldn't want to speak with him so it would be best to avoid him all together.

Ben would be coming back soon.

He wished Susan were here.

He wished she was sleeping right next to him to tell him that everything would be okay. He wished that none of this had happened. But most of all, he wished he had never found out about what was happening to Johnny. It was an incredibly selfish thought that he soon took back with all the sincerity he felt. He rolled onto his back, his left arm draped over his eyes.

It was so hard without Susan.

Just getting up in the morning knowing that he wouldn't see her face was enough to want to go back to sleep. It was going to get even harder with Ben coming back to the building. Reed wasn't an angry or violent man by nature. He was quiet and kept to himself. He was the leader of the Fantastic Four but that didn't mean he was the type to enjoy confrontations. He rubbed his eyes a soft groan making its way from his lips once again. Why stay in bed if he wasn't sleeping? Reed slipped off the mattress, showered and dressed. A bone-weary exhaustion was eating at him and he felt just about ready to shut down. He wondered if this was how Johnny felt and was instantly guilty. What Johnny was going through was ten times worse than what he was going through.

The lab felt incredibly lonely. Normally he would feel delighted to start on his newest project or continue an old one he had been working on. However, lately it had become harder and harder to concentrate on work. He felt like he was constantly worrying about Johnny or Ben. It was starting to get out of hand. Now he had to worry about how Johnny was going to react with Ben around again. Would it push him over the edge? He couldn't be sure. He was no psychiatrist but he did know the signs of depression. It wasn't anything like what Johnny had to endure but it was a clawing sadness that wasn't letting him focus on anything but that. It wasn't until the hiss of the doors interrupted his thoughts that he noticed he'd been staring at the floor.

"You alright, Reed...?" Johnny was frowning at him, the dark circles underneath his eyes making his question seem absurd. Why was he worried about him when he was worse off? Reed nodded slowly, unsure of himself to speak. He could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on. He nodded again, "Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

Johnny cleared his throat, "So...when's Ben...?"

Reed blinked at him several times, confused, "Oh...I have to sign him out. In a few."

Johnny nodded, shifting uncomfortably in his spot. He was still standing by the door, "Well I guess I'll...be here then."

Reed watched the blonde walk away and wondered when exactly was he going to have the strength to even move from his chair.


	10. Chapter 10

**Omg yes. I've updated. I'm going to apologize for the short chapter before hand. It's short. And if I didn't just do it, I would be still writing it a month or more from now. **

**Warning: Suicide  
**

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**Chapter 10: Over**

He shouldn't have felt even the slightest hint of annoyance when Johnny did not return his greeting. He shouldn't have felt annoyed when Reed told him to leave the younger man alone. He shouldn't have felt bothered when Reed told him he needed to give them space. He shouldn't have felt anything towards the way they acted, but he did. It was hard not to feel hurt by their actions despite his previous exploits. It had not been his fault. Reed repeatedly told him that he understood and didn't blame him for it, but he still kept his distance even when he was trying to make him comfortable.

Ben Grimm felt far from comfortable.

Tension was escalating, making it hard to reclaim his previous position in the Baxter Building. Nothing was the same as he had left it. There was the obvious absence of Susan. It was a hard blow not seeing her there. Even her angry face would have been better than nothing at all. The hard part was seeing Johnny. The younger male did his best to avoid The Thing but they ended up bumping into each other every now and again throughout the day. The cold stare he was greeted with was like a blade cutting his heart. He didn't know how he was going to mend things. Not only had he killed Sue but he had apparently…

He didn't want to think about it.

Johnny, however, couldn't _stop_ thinking about it.

It didn't matter that he wasn't in the same room with him. The fact that Ben was in the same _building_ with him was slowly gnawing at his conscience. He knew he didn't have any real reason to feel so anxious about Ben being back, but he did. That crazy personality of his wasn't going to resurface. Johnny knew that. The Professor had done his job. Whatever split Ben had was locked away in his mind never to be opened again. Still, Johnny felt wary. Seeing the rock man anywhere near him sent him into a near panic attack. On the outside he kept his composure. He tried to loosen up, to breach this huge gap between them but there was nothing. Every time he even came close to doing so, he wouldn't be able to take the next step. Just looking at him made the rage boil beneath his skin. The only solace he found was spending time with Reed in his lab where Ben rarely entered. Johnny noticed the strain on Reed. He knew he was doing his best to keep everyone together even though the world was falling apart around them. Johnny didn't want them to fall apart. He didn't think he could handle it. Still, he felt his mind unraveling, falling into a spiral of anger, and self-deprecating thoughts.

Reed was fairing no better.

Things were awkward. Things were strained. The man he had at one time called his best friend felt like a stranger to him. It wasn't because Ben was any different than he was before this whole ordeal, but simply because Reed _felt_ differently about Ben. He wasn't sure how to act around him and kept feeling irrational emotions when near him. He tried his best to make it seem as though there was nothing wrong with them; after all Ben was still his friend. Nothing changed that. It would just take a little while…and perhaps more than that. It hurt to think that perhaps this would never mend but it was a possibility.

As for the rest of New York City, maybe even the world, The Fantastic Four was no more. Some news reporters came up with "The Terrific Three" or those labeling Ben as a monster, "The Dynamic Duo" (after hearing that news report Johnny had mumbled "how original"). On more than one occasion reporters had called the Baxter Building in search of some news for the media. They had been given an abrupt answer: the dial tone signaling the end of the call. This didn't stop them, of course. Any chance they had to get even a glimpse of the heroes they would be on them in seconds. Johnny made it a point to forget he knew how to talk.

If it wasn't the media hounding him for information, it was a girlfriend calling to find out how he was doing. Within the walls of the Baxter Building he felt like he was suffocating. When he was around Reed things were somewhat tense as both of them tried to ignore the unspoken kiss from several weeks before. Reed wouldn't bring it up and neither would he. The little bit of comfort he gained in the other's presence was slowly diminishing into frustration. Soon that was the only thing Johnny ever felt. Anger, sadness, confusion all seemed to reside in his head and never want to diffuse. If he didn't feel like going out, there was always the chance of ending up in the same room as Ben. He knew the other wanted to talk to him. Perhaps he wanted to apologize somehow but Johnny didn't want to hear any of it. If he heard one syllable come from that man's mouth he might snap.

He was that close to just losing it. He hadn't dealt with what had happened before. Reed had brought it up several times, trying to be nonchalant about it. Johnny didn't think there was anything to be nonchalant about. They were talking about his mental health as if it were something trivial. He didn't like it and each time he left Reed in silence.

From the moment Ben had returned through those doors he had been thinking. Those thoughts weren't good one's either. No, Johnny didn't have many good thoughts lately. They both revolved around Sue or himself and knowing he had no one to turn to. Reed had his own problems to deal with and he couldn't deal with the constant concern as if he were about to break. He wasn't made of glass but he knew couldn't last like this.

Contemplating such things while on the ledge of a building probably wasn't the best idea but he was partaking in a lot of bad ideas lately. Below him, everyone looked like ants; tiny insignificant little ants. He wanted to be tiny and insignificant. Maybe then he wouldn't need to deal with any of this. Someone could stomp on him and squish him so he didn't have to exist anymore.

"Johnny?"

He turned around to face Reed. He had that damned worried expression on his face as if he were expecting him to do something stupid. Maybe he was going to do something stupid. They weren't invincible after all. They could die. Johnny could die. Maybe that was what he wanted right now. To drop dead and not come back. He wanted to be stripped of the pain and grief that had been dealt his way. Of course that would be cheating. God didn't like cheaters.

"What's up?"

He stepped down from the ledge, noting the subtle drop of the scientists' shoulders. Reed shrugged in response. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine." Johnny nodded, pocketing his hands. _I'm just going crazy, nothing new._

Reed nodded in that way people do when they aren't sure what to say next. It almost made Johnny smile but not quite. He walked past Reed who immediately followed after him, recovering from his lapse.

"You didn't come to the lab this morning."

"I was out. I needed some air."

Reed once again lapsed into silence and Johnny found himself suddenly needing to get away immediately. He couldn't keep pretending everything was okay and then being reminded constantly that everything wasn't. Every conversation he had with the scientist was always filled with tension. There was always a double meaning to the man's words or some expression on his face that made Johnny want to scream. He couldn't stand the pity, the worry, the constant question "are you okay?" He knew Reed was dealing with his own problems and simply wanted to help Johnny overcome his, but the blonde could not put up with it anymore. He'd rather not exist.

He did not want to be here anymore.

He wanted out. Johnny couldn't take it. He had been trying to ignore that voice for weeks. He had been trying to remind himself that Sue would be so disappointed if he gave up. However, that thought was becoming less and less important. She was dead; she couldn't _be_ disappointed in him. Ever since her vision had disappeared from his sight he had been feeling her even more than before. Her absence was like the loss of one of his limbs. He almost wished for that fake vision of her back, but it didn't seem like his mind wanted to comply.

Johnny walked into the building at a brisk pace leaving the scientist standing outside on top of the building alone. He didn't know what he was doing or where he was going but he wanted to be alone and stay that way for as long as he could. The blonde was ready to head towards his room when a very unwanted figure appeared in his line of vision. Ben Grimm was standing idly to the side of the hallway, looking as if he wanted to say something. Johnny walked passed him but a hand around his arm forced him to stop. He swallowed thickly, an irrepressible shudder running through his entire frame.

"Johnny I need to talk to you."

Johnny wrenched his arm from the other man's grip. He gave a sigh and turned towards the other man reluctantly. He didn't want to talk. He wanted to get to his room and sleep the rest of the day away. He was afraid of what he would do if he didn't.

"What?" He narrowed his eyes when The Thing failed to speak after the initial statement.

"Look, I know we ain't on the best of terms right now, but I was hopin' we could maybe go get a drink or somethin' and start putting this behind us."

Johnny stared at him in disbelief. A smile spread across his face and then a small hysterical laugh. He couldn't believe it. The guy actually thought that if they sat down for a drink and talked for a while that they could put this all behind them. He actually thought that, Johnny, who couldn't get drunk in the first place without god knows how much alcohol, would just _put this behind_ _us_. He glared daggers at the man, wanting to punch him again but saving his already injured hand the abuse.

"Fuck you, alright? Fuck you."

He continued walking down the hall and to his room. He locked the door behind him and leaned against it. Dropping to the floor he brought his knees up to his chest. Was that what Reed wanted too? Did Reed want him to just put everything behind him as quickly as possible? Johnny found himself laughing bitterly to himself again. Of course he did. The faster this whole mess was cleaned up the easier they could go back to things the way they were before. Johnny wanted that too, he wanted that more than anything. Unfortunately he couldn't just ignore the fact that Sue was gone and that he had been _raped_. Not just once, several times over the span of several weeks. Again, he wondered to himself if the reason no one noticed sooner was simply because he was good at covering it up or being no one even cared. He didn't mean Susan. He had avoided her like the plague because he knew that as soon as she looked at his face she would know there was something wrong. She always knew when something was wrong with him. Always.

Now, she wasn't there. She couldn't give him a hug and tell him everything would be okay. For a while, he thought that perhaps Reed could dull the ache. He had hoped that Reed could heal the gaping wound left by the absence of his sister. But he was wrong to do that. Reed wasn't his sister. He wasn't the one who had helped him past their mother's death or a stern reprimand and forgiving smile whenever he did something wrong. No one could replace Sue.

He craved her comfort, but nothing he could do was going to bring her back. Then of course, it always came back to Reed. He had done a lot of thinking, something he had gotten accustomed to doing for a while now. The most on his mind was the kiss Reed had given him. He had gone over and over again and he still couldn't bring a reason as to why the other man had done it, but simply that he wished he would do it again. It frustrated Johnny to no end for his mind to come up with that conclusion. He knew it had something to do with needing some form of comfort that he just wasn't getting but he couldn't possibly want it in that fashion…could he? He felt so confused and conflicted. It made his head spin. He couldn't do this anymore. _This is it._

He staggered to his feet, wiping his face with the back of his hand and leaving his room. Looking up and down the hallway he headed towards the bathroom and locked the door. Taking one look at himself in the mirror he pulled open the medicine cabinet. Nothing in there could do it. It would just burn up, right? He searched the medicine cabinet anyway for anything that might possibly be strong enough. Grabbing the strongest bottle of medicine in the cabinet, he shut it before turning on the water in the tub. Unscrewing the cap he popped a few pills into his mouth and eventually the rest of the bottle before flinging it to the side. Then, without preamble he punched the mirror. It shattered, large jagged pieces falling into the sink. Swallowing thickly and hoping that the medication had indeed numbed him enough. He grabbed the largest piece and slid it across one wrist and then the other. He dropped against the wall across from the shattered mirror and sink, sighing. This was it. This was the end of his run. As Johnny began to fade out as the minutes past, he vaguely heard the sound of pounding on the door before completely losing consciousness.


	11. Chapter 11

**Holy crap it's an update. I get inspiration for this story at the same time every year. Oh muse, why do you leave me. Sob. I hope you like this update.**

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**Chapter 11: Reactors**

It was the first strong emotion he had felt in weeks other than worry. It came quickly after the initial numbness and shock. After he had wrapped the gauze and bandages around both wrists in shaking hands he had taken the limp blonde to his room. He hadn't been sure what to do then aside from wait until Johnny Storm awoke from his unconsciousness. It was somewhere between then and seeing Ben outside the door asking what happened that he felt it. Anger didn't come easily to Reed Richards. He was usually very calm and level-headed, albeit awkward around women and excitable towards scientific discoveries. He was no stranger to frustration or sadness but anger was an acquaintance reserved for suitable occasions and a certain Victor von Doom.

Reed didn't answer the man, too aware of what might come out of his mouth instead. It took an unusual amount of effort to not explode at that exact moment but he managed to take a deep breath and return inside the room. Locking the door behind him he looked around Johnny's room in search of a chair or other place to sit. There appeared to be none as it seemed Johnny had cleared the room of anything he had owned. Reed opened the closet and found what he was looking for. A stool stood untouched beneath the many articles of clothing the young man owned. Pulling it out, Reed took a seat on it and simply waited. The anger redirected itself towards the man lying in the bed. He didn't understand why Johnny would do this. He had extended a helping hand, had told him he could come to him if there was anything wrong. He knew that there was something wrong because _everything_ was wrong and there was nothing either of them could do to fix that. Part of him wondered if he had pushed too much and had suffocated the younger man. Could this possibly be his fault? Reed shook that thought of his head, anger turning into despair as he realized he didn't know what to do. How could he fix this? Could it even be fixed? Reed wanted to go back and change things. He wanted to stop this all before it ever began. It hurt, knowing that the people he loved the most in his life were being torn asunder—had been torn asunder. Things had gone from bad to worse and it was still spiraling out of control. Staring at the blonde man on the bed, Reed realized there wasn't a thing he could do except wait and hope Johnny accepted his help this time. If he didn't, Reed wasn't sure what he would do. He feared that he would have to watch Johnny disappear into nothingness. He would become someone he didn't know, a shell of his former self. Reed wondered if Johnny hadn't already.

The minutes ticked slowly by, cramping Reed's back from his position sat on the stool. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Johnny. He just wanted him to wake up. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do when he did though. He wanted to shout at him while at the same time he wanted to hold him and never let go. He didn't want anything bad to happen to Johnny again—he would keep him locked away from the world if he must to save him. He realized that was pointless when the real person Reed had to save Johnny from was himself. He felt drained and stretched too thin (pun unintended). He didn't know if there was anything he could really do. If Johnny was intent on dying then there would be little he could do to stop him and if he died then there would be nothing left of Reed. He felt it in his very soul. If both Storms were gone from this world then he would fall with them into a void of nothingness, if not in reality, then in mind. Already life without Susan was falling apart; he could imagine that it would all coming crashing down if Johnny died as well. There would be nothing left. Ben was his best friend but after the incidents that had lead to this he couldn't look at him the same way. He felt horrible for even thinking that way because he knew it wasn't Ben's fault but he couldn't help how he felt, just how he couldn't help his feelings for Johnny.

It hadn't made sense to him at first. He was in love with Susan Storm, he was a straight man. He couldn't remember when caring for Johnny had gone beyond the fact that he was Sue's younger brother. Johnny was indeed everything he was not. He was charismatic, easily attracted all the most gorgeous women and while he may have pretended not to have intelligence, he was an extremely capable young man whose prowess as an engineer could not be overlooked. Reed had always been amazed by how quickly the younger man learned things. Unfortunately being the ladies man, and having a desire to be the center of attention all the time got in the way of Johnny actually working to his potential. Maybe that was what attracted Reed the most—the fact that he had such a source of untapped potential. Or, maybe it was Johnny's loyalty, his bravery, the occasional selflessness he portrayed whenever they really needed it. Reed couldn't pinpoint what it was and was often frustrated by the hopelessness of tracking his own thoughts. He never came up with anything new. In the end, Reed just knew he was in love with the both of them. Both Storms were appealing in their own way, Sue in her controlled strength and Johnny in his wild abandon. They were two opposites that fit together almost perfectly as only siblings with their close relationship could. If anyone knew what could help Johnny now it was Sue and she wasn't here. Wishing or hoping wouldn't bring her back. Reed swallowed thickly around the lump in his throat. They were falling apart at the seams, close to being torn apart. Sue's death had destroyed them completely; the proof was lying in front of him. Reed was so close to giving up because he didn't know how much more of this he could handle. Exhaustion seeped into his very bones and he moved closer to the bed, dropping his head against it. Sleep was quick to come.

He felt weightless as though he had floated away from his body and into nothingness. It was warm here too, like a soft blanket wrapping around him or warm arms embracing him. He didn't try to think or move, he just wanted to stay floating in the warmth. Part of him wanted to know where he was. Had he died? If so, heaven was nice if this was all it was for the rest of eternity. He could stay here imagining the warmth was the embrace of his sister, forget she ever died. Then, he wondered if she was somewhere here too, because if Sue would be anywhere it would be in heaven. He didn't want to leave the warmth but he wanted to find his sister so Johnny pulled away from the peaceful blankness and into the unknown. Quiet engulfed him on all sides, no sounds to tell him if he was getting close to anyone. When he tried to speak his voice didn't come. It was then he realized that he was nothing but thought. His senses were gone, sight, sound, touch, taste, smell, there was nothing. Johnny paused for a moment fearing that he had left the warmth for no reason and that his sister was indeed there. Suddenly though, he did feel something. It was a hand, grasping around his. He recognized the feel of it as a child's hand but he couldn't ask who it was. Then, suddenly, he heard the sound of feet heating pavement. A voice spoke, he recognized it immediately as Sue but when she was a little girl. "Come on, Johnny, we have to find the rest of you." He couldn't ask what she meant, but he followed obediently. Smell came next, the scent of a bakery filling his nostrils. The smell of freshly baked bread followed them wherever they were going and occasionally little Sue would say something about being lost. Eventually she seemed to find her way and restored his taste. He wanted to go back to the bakery and buy a piece of bread but he didn't stop her.

"When we get this last, you have to go back okay?"

"Why?" He finally spoke, his voice coming out more than an audible whisper. He didn't see any reason for him to go back. He didn't have anything to go back to. Everything they had worked so hard to build up had been destroyed. There was no more Fantastic Four. There was no point in any of this anymore. The news had been asking for some time now "where are The Fantastic Four?". Johnny didn't see why they were so concerned when they had Spiderman, the X-Men, Iron Man and even the Daredevil (those off the top of his head) protecting the city. They didn't need The Fantastic Four. The media just wanted some kind of drama to sink their teeth into. They wanted to pester Johnny about God knows what—perhaps his feelings towards Susan when he didn't want to talk about her to them. The media had been going on about his lack of interest in the spotlight for a while too.

He had nothing to go back to. He was living a crumbling life so it was best if he would just disappear. Johny was tired of putting up a mask and pretending everything was okay when it wasn't. He was tired of feeling depressed. He was tired of missing Sue. Most of all, he was tired of living. It had come to the point where he didn't know what to do with himself anymore. How could he expect to save people and be a "hero" when he couldn't even save his own sister?

"He's waiting for you, you know?" Susan's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Reed cares about you."

Johnny didn't respond for a moment, taking that statement into consideration. He knew the older man cared about him. In fact, he knew that he cared about him more than a friend would. He wasn't sure how he felt about that yet except that he was willing to try—eventually. Johnny was a player for sure; he went out with women left and right. Not only that, but he had always considered himself straight. He didn't know how long Reed had been harboring feelings like that for him but he supposed it didn't matter. Johnny almost felt like laughing at himself. Here he was entertaining the future when he had already decided he wanted to die.

"I know he does." Johnny said voice still hoarse from disuse. "But I don't know if I do. Can't I just stay here?"

Susan's voice didn't respond. Instead her hand took a firm hold of his and it no longer felt like that of a child. He followed liked an obedient dog on a leash. Her hand found his face, pressing against the place where his eyes should have been. When Susan pulled her hand away, he blinked blue orbs able to see his sister standing in front of him. She looked the same way as before she died and there was a frown on her face. She didn't look pleased.

"Jonathan Spencer Storm you better do as I say." Sue had her hands on her hips, giving him that stare he had always found somewhat intimidating as a child. "You've always been so selfish but I never knew you to be a quitter, Johnny."

Johnny frowned, turning his gaze away from the woman in front of him. He realized they were standing in the middle of an empty sidewalk, random shops and buildings to their left. To their right it was pitch black as though someone had forgotten to finish painting the scenery or turned off the lights. He wondered what would happen if he walked into the darkness. It was a better idea than listening to his sister tell him he had to leave. Again. He knew this whole thing had happened before, not in the exact same way but it was similar. Blue eyes turned back to the female waiting for his response. She was still wearing that severe look on her face.

"I'm not." Johnny said finally. "But there's nothing left for me back there. I don't see the point in anything. How do I go on saving people if I couldn't even save you, Sue?"

"That wasn't your fault, and you know it." Susan's expression softened a little. "You did what you thought you had to."

"Yeah but…I was trying to protect you and I failed." Johnny felt tears prickling at the edges of his eyes and he blinked furiously so as not to let them fall. Susan sighed softly and stepped forward to pull the younger man into a hug. After a moment he crumbled, burying his face into her neck and wrapping his arms around her tightly. "I miss you so much, sis."

When Johnny's trembling shoulders ceased Susan pulled away from him. Placing both palms of her hand on his cheeks she wiped away his tears with her thumbs. A frown was gracing her features again.

"Promise me you won't do this again."

Johnny looked like he was ready to protest, but Susan shook her head.

"Promise me, Johnny. I don't want to see you here again, okay?"

Johnny nodded mutely, unable to speak. He knew his voice would fail him even if he did have something to say. He didn't want to leave her again, but she was right.

"Johnny, Reed cares about you, a lot and I know that you do too."

"I told you that I don't feel that way."

"Liar." Susan smiled softly. "Bye, Johnny."

His eyes snapped open and the white ceiling of his bedroom greeted him. There was the soft sound of snoring close by. Johnny shifted, looking over at Reed's hunched form and wondered how long he had been unconscious. There were white bandages wrapping around his wrists and he realized he had done it wrong. He had meant to drag the shard of glass up his arm. In the heat of the moment he'd forgotten and had messily cut open his wrists instead of up to his elbow. He couldn't even kill himself right. Johnny sighed softly. His head ached, an incessant pounding on his skull. He didn't feel well but that was nothing new. He hadn't been feeling well for a long time. Guilt immediately settled in his chest as he stared at Reed unsure if he should wake him or let him sleep. The blonde slowly sat up and the movement effectively roused the sleeping scientist. Reed shifted, blinking blearily at the younger man as he sat up in the stool he was using as a chair. For a moment he seemed confused and then his expression morphed into surprise.

"You're awake." Reed said the words almost as though he couldn't believe them. It was almost as if he thought that maybe Johnny would never wake up again. Well, he supposed that had been the whole point of attempting suicide in the first place. Some distant part of him almost felt disgusted with himself. When had he turned into such an emo kid?

"Yeah…" Johnny responded simply, unable to think up anything better to say. He wasn't happy. He would have been happy had he succeeded, or at least, hoped he would have been. If he thought about it clearly, once you were dead you couldn't _be_ anything. But he wasn't thinking clearly and he hadn't been thinking clearly before either. If he had been, then he wouldn't be in this position. He was waiting to be admonished, to be told he was an idiot, to be given some kind of reprimanding for his actions. There was nothing but silence.

Johnny almost wanted to be told he was wrong for what he had done. He wanted to be told that he was stupid. He wanted be scolded like a child. Those were things Susan would have done, with a stern stare, both hands settling on her hips. But she wasn't here, there was only Reed, sitting on the stool looking painfully lost. Johnny wondered if he was wishing for the same thing. They were both reaching out to a ghost that could do nothing to help them. They could no longer see her face or hear her voice. She couldn't be the pillar of strength they needed. They would need to find that themselves. It was a strange, lonely thought that came to him as he stared down at the bandages covering his wrists. Those wouldn't be scars he would be showing off to anyone.

"Why didn't you let me help?" Reed's voice cut through the silence like a knife. Blue eyes darted towards the scientist before skittering away. Reed had offered assistance over and over and over again, but Johnny never wanted it. Johnny just wanted to be left alone to handle his own mess. It was obvious he couldn't deal with it though. He had handled it very well, obviously.

"I know it's been hard without Sue…I keep hoping she'll walk through the door and…" Reed shook his head. "But she's not here and I can't be Sue. I'm not Sue. But I want to help you, Johnny."

The pause made Johnny's gaze lock with Reed's. The intensity of the older man's stare made a shiver run down the blonde's spine. In that second he felt something pass between them. He didn't know what it was, couldn't identify it, but it was there. Perhaps it was in their mutual grief over Sue's absence that caused it, that made them feel somehow closer. Johnny had never really thought of himself as particularly close to Reed, despite the man being his sister's fiancé. It wasn't that they weren't friends, or that Johnny didn't know Reed well, it was just that they weren't [i]close[/i]. Reed was distant, unsociable and everything that Johnny was not. He would lock himself away for days, working on some project that he suddenly had inspiration for. Reed was intelligent, far more intelligent than Johnny ever hoped to be. In some, strange way, Johnny could understand what had allured his sister to the man. He was a nice person, respectable and moral in that kind of way that was almost annoying. Johnny did think of him as a mentor but…he hadn't really felt like they ever established a connection. He had never really spent enough time around the scientist. Over this period of time, however, he had felt a much deeper connection with Reed than he had ever had before. Or, he was imagining things from blood loss.

"Let me help." Reed finished, and like that the moment was broken. Johnny looked away. The blonde dropped his gaze to his hands, unsure of what to say in response. He wasn't sure there was any way to fix this. He didn't know how anything would ever be okay again. They would never be able to go back to the way things were. Things had changed, and not for the better. He didn't know how Reed would help or even if he could, but Johnny knew he couldn't ignore him this time. He couldn't just brush it off like all the times before. It was obvious that he wasn't okay. Reed had stopped him from committing suicide. There was no way to cover this up or pretend it didn't happen.

"I really don't think you can…but I wouldn't mind being wrong." Johnny responded quietly. Reed's shoulders seemed to sag with relief. Johnny couldn't help but think he needed more sleep. "You should get some sleep, stretchy man."

"I'm not leaving you alone."

"Then sleep with me." The offer tumbled out of his mouth without even thinking. Reed stared at him strangely. Johnny just shrugged his shoulders, realizing he meant it and didn't care at the moment enough to analyze it. He was tired himself and wanted to go back into unconsciousness, if only for a little while longer. Reed hesitated, still seated on the stool as though he were waiting for another invitation. Johnny moved over. "Hey, you said you don't want to leave me alone and it's more comfortable than sitting in that stool all bent over like a pretzel."

After another beat of hesitation later, Reed kicked off his shoes and settled in beside the younger man. He looked slightly awkward and Johnny couldn't help the smile that stretched over his features. It felt like he hadn't smiled in years. He supposed he hadn't really smiled since Sue died. He wondered what she would say to this, to them sharing a captain's bed that was really only meant for one person. He wondered if she would laugh at them or give them a strange look. Maybe she wouldn't even say anything at all. Johnny still wished she was here. In fact, he wished it was her that was lying beside him, to chase away the monsters like she used to when he was just a kid. The smile faltered and Johnny swallowed passed the lump in his throat, not wanting to have a break down in front of the older man. But it was too late; the tears were already making tracks down his cheeks. He looked away from Reed, wanting to hide his face but the man had already seen.

Slowly, gently, Reed pulled him close in an embrace, strong arms pulling him in. Johnny couldn't help but lean into the hug, pressing his face against the older man's chest. It wasn't Susan…but it was warm, and comforting and for the first time in a while, he felt safe.


End file.
